Great TV Shows That Never Were: Stronger Things (better than Stranger Things)

Weight lifting
Only for strong things.

Stranger Things is a popular show from Netflix. It’s about aliens. Stronger Things is our proposed rip-off, which is a documentary series which takes a look at things that are stronger than other things. Okay, so here’s a basic example episode: Great White Sharks VS Bunny Rabbits. Obviously, a 2,000 pound shark is going to be stronger than a fluffy bunny rabbit, but our show explains in detail why stuff is strong, and other stuff not so strong. Powerful stuff, right?

Tensile strength, for instance, is a demonstration of strength. As is agile strength, explosive strength, relative strength, maximum strength, and various other types of strong things. As you can see, it’s a much more complicated situation than simply “that one is stronger because it is fatter”. Indeed, it’s a complex world, strength, so let us enter into this series and rejoice at its brilliance.

Stronger Things

After the successful pilot episode of the Great White Shark VS Bunny Rabbit, the show would delve properly into the world of strong stuff. Arnold Schwarzenegger would be the weekly special guest – he’d be rolled out regularly throughout episodes to pass his judgement on the all the strong things this strapping gentleman is most knowledgeable about.

Indeed, he’d drop such learned insights on brawn and life along the lines of the following:

  • Heavyweight Boxers VS Old Grannies: “Ja, I think the harder you punch something, the more likely you are to defeat it.”
  • Termites VS Elvis: “Strength isn’t only about being strong, it is about being at one with your robustness. Oh… haha! ‘Busts’! That’s a naughty word!”
  • Magnets VS Combine Harvesters: “I’m not saying I am stronger than a million mountain gorillas, I’m just saying I was Mr. Universe. That carries more weight with it, ja, than some lawless hairy apes?”
  • Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson VS Amy Adams: “I’ll be back to finish this interview, I just need to pump some iron.”
  • Marmalade VS the Titanic: “Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. Oh, and if it bleeds, we can kill it.”
  • A Can of Coke VS the Empire State Building: “So I said to the children, ‘No, you can’t drink twenty litres of coke a day, because it’ll give you the runs.’ I’m not sure if they paid any attention to me, though.”

Scientific Mumbo Jumbo

Of course, there would be detailed scientific analysis on strength. Who wouldn’t revel in the knowledge of whether Elvis really could have defeated an army of termites? We’re not scientists, though, so we’d draft in experts such as Kip Thorn, British Prime Minister Theresa May, and yet more Arnold Schwarzenegger to have round-table discussions about Elvis’ karate chop abilities, strength in general, and who’d come out on top.

Over each hour long episode, these discussions would last up to 40 minutes (hey, got to pad the episode time out a bit, you know? These topics are fairly self-explanatory!) and would typically descend into contrived arguments along the lines of the Jerry Springer Show at its worst. Episodes would typically be rounded off with an arm wrestling contest between Thorn, May, and Schwarzenegger. No prizes for guessing who’d be victorious.

10 comments

  1. It took me forever to get Schwarzenegger’s comment on “Termites VS Elvis” – I thought he said roustaboutness …… playing on that superior Elvis film Roustabout”. Of course I immediately began to hear him (Elvis not Schwarzenegger) sing Little Eva. Then I got sidetracked into wondering what that had to do with the Termites. Then I got on about wondering if Termites had little Termite Circuses, like the Flea Circuses. Then it all became clear… the Termites could use their circus to somehow “bust” up Elvis and win!

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