Star Wars: The Phantom Menace is “celebrating” its 20th anniversary. It’s great fun to look back and laugh at George Lucas’ hamfisted dialogue.

There’s “I don’t like sand”, for those of you who don’t like sand. And there’s this Naboo-based gem. But… what if the thespians had messed up their lines?

Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo

So you’ve got hot bloke Anakin Skywalker (who goes on to become Darth Vader, remember?) and hot stuff Padmé (who doesn’t go on to become Darth Vader, remember?).

Hold me, like you didn’t by the lake on Naboo

What’s specific about Naboo, anyway? Why not just cut to the chase and inform your human male about your desire. As if he even remembers what was going on at Naboo anyway FFS. Do you think men care about that sort of stuff, woman?

Fold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo

Folding is a great skill. Just ask Marie Kondo.

Scold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo

As in tell you off, or pour a litre of boiling water over your skull? Slight difference. Be specific, we need specific.

Hold me, like you did by the cake on Naboo

Lots of things happen next to cake. Baking, mainly, but occasionally Star Wars characters are there to add a dollop of debris and splash of familial issues.

Leasehold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo

If you like property engagements then yes, this would be an excellent version of Star Wars. Did Darth Vader have a flat, or a house?

Slime mold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo

No idea where slime is involved in the Star Wars world, we guess it’s a Naboo-related issue.

Stranglehold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo

Strangling wome is wrong, Anakin, even you must know that. You stupid git.

Hold me, like, you did by the, like, lake on, like, Naboo

As we all know, young women like Natalie Portman love to say “like”. So this is an accurate representation of this quote.

Hold me, like you did by the snake on Naboo

Probably loads of snakes on Naboo, why not? Maybe a T. Rex as well.

Hold me, like you did by the disk brake on Naboo

We get the feeling Naboo is a disk brake friendly environment. Good for it.

Hobble me, like you did by the lake on Naboo

This is one messed up relationship.

Yodel with me, like you did by the lake on Naboo

If there’s one thing sadly lacking in the Star Wars films, it’s yodelling. For shame!

Hold me, like you did by the lake on Poo Poo

*snigger* Lolz. Mr. Wapojif turns 35 next month. Maturity overload.

And finally…

Hold me, like you did by the lake on Nabooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

That “oo” is crying out for a dragging out like this. Would have made for a better scene, eh? Indeed.