Great TV Shows That Never Were: Six Feet Uber (better than Six Feet Under)

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Hark back to 2001! The pretentious funeral home TV drama series thing Six Feet Under hit the small screen. It ran until 2005 and was then buried alive.

Well, since reboots and remakes are (and is) so popular these days we went and did one: Six Feet Uber.

It’s meta, you see, because it’s all modernised by the use of Uber (who we’re in no way affiliated with or endorse).

Six Feet Uber

This drama is about a taxi company that operates underground. Due to most people living above ground, the business is struggling to make ends meet.

In a bid to win more clients, the boss (Arnold Schwarzenegger) steals Uber’s idea for smartphone apps.

This bold initiative sees client rates soar by 0.5%. In a bid to win further business, the boss expands into new territories. This includes driving earthworms, moles, and anyone buried alive to their destinations of choice.

With business now booming, the boss hires an assistant (Harrison Ford) and the two immediately fall in love and get married.

Unfortunately, aliens then abduct the assistant leaving Schwarzenegger to hire a new one to marry. Unfortunately, this one (Sigourney Weaver) isn’t interested in marriage and is only there to earn a living.

The series plays out with the boss and the assistant expanding the tunnels underground with shovel and spade, then driving the likes of Mike the Mole to his day job (as a mole).

But, oh dear, don’t tell his missus he’s having an affair with a slug! Dammit, where’s the loyalty in this day and age?!

Best Episodes

Widely panned upon release as an intensely stupid idea, the first series is a dismal failure and it’s cancelled.

However, as Schwarzenegger actually loves the concept he funds a disastrous second series at a tune of $45 million from his personal savings.

Handed total creative control, Six Feet Uber takes a marked change in tone for the second season.

But due to viewing figures of circa 30 people per-episode Schwarzenegger abandons the concept in disgust! Still, here are some of the best moments that’ll never happen:

  • Uber My God: The episode where the boss and the assistant get married. Attending the wedding is a shrew, ubiquitous mole, and a slug. They all get wasted after the ceremony and have a proper rave to that old Girls Aloud song Sound of the Underground.
  • Battlescape Universe, Baby: Greased up and bulging with muscles, the boss takes on the alien bastards who dared to steal his wife! This episode features impressive CGI, 377 explosions, and 13 variations of Schwarzenegger’s iconic catchphrase, “I’ll be back.”
  • Partial Recall: With space babe Sharon Stone by his side, Schwarzenegger heads off on a partially entertaining episode where  he romps about shooting people with big guns!
  • The Fast and the Furious and Worms: Business is booming, especially in the worm community. Those slow bastards love the new taxi driving service and are willing to pay some 20p just to get from A to B (20 cms) in half a second. Cue a Schwarzenegger quip, “Consider that a worm!”…
  • Taxi Driver and Mud: The taxi team gets a bit stuck in all that muddy Earth, leading to one of Schwarzenegger’s many on set breakdowns (his scenes of temper tantrums weren’t scripted, it was just the on-set nightmare). Eventually Sigourney Weaver karate chops him into silence.

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