So you want to be a Z-List celebrity in films like 47 Metres Down, but don’t remotely have the talent to hack it?! Of course you do! And we’re here to help you out with a get-rich-quick lesson in bad acting.
Atrocious Andy is one of the worst in the business.
And that’s great news for you, you talentless halfwit, as you hit the acting world and rise through the ranks of badness.
Become a Z-List Actor
“So you want to be a movie star, sonny? Well, you’ve come to the wrong place!” Atrocious Andy
Hi there! That’s my motto. Because you have come to the wrong place.
But in a good way! Because, sure, you already know you’re not the next Brad Pitt or Emma Stone. But why should that hold you back!?
Signing up to my badness classes will give you a masterclass in how to ham-fist and half arse your way through modern acting theory.
The Stanislavski method?! The STFU Method, more like! And you can forget all about method acting! Meth acting, more like!!
Because you don’t want to become the next Withnail and I.
No. You want to experience the Atrocious Andy method of acting—The Nose Picking Method. This will set you on the path to stardom!
The Nose Picking Method of Acting
My mission is simple. Every actor deserves their big break! And sometimes you just gotta cut some corners to get there.
In my three week course, you’ll discover why nose picking your way through every scene will get you breakout star levels of attention!
It’s so simple even an idiot could have come up with this! Think about it!! A nation is watching a film/TV series and one character is wandering about picking their nose.
“Holy hell!” The viewers all scream!!
The next thing you know, social media is exploding, you have meme status, and you’ve got your moment in the sun!
Whether you’re an extra or have a small role, my masterclasses will make you a scene stealer even if you have the most minimal amount of talent ever! You’ll learn how to:
- Pick your nose without shame in front of your peers, production crew, and cinemagoers!
- Dispose of bogeys in a safe and hygienic manner!
- Bag the role of every halfwit in Shakespeare’s plays!
- Build a prosperous and wealthy career from playing a village idiot!
- Have everyone around you questioning your very sanity!
For £100 a session over 10 months, you’ll master drama, comedy, action, and erotic thrillers all from the viewpoint of nose picking.
Recite the first Shakespearean prose, or mumble the most inane action one-liners, all with a finger jammed up a nostril!
Because this is the ONLY way in life you can ever get even a proper iota of proper success!
Book your course today at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Diarrhoea Dancing Masterclasses
Book today and you’ll also receive a 20% discount on my diarrhoea dancing masterclasses, which are designed to get you maximum attention in dance auditions!
Sick of someone with more talent getting the better of you and bagging roles? Now’s the time to take action! You can either:
- Spike your peer’s drinks so they all get the runs!
- Spike your drink so you stand out during your turn! (i.e. you “lost control of yourself” in the moment, darling!).
Please note, you’ll need to have no allergies with laxatives to take advantage of these sessions!
Ballerina shoes are also not provided. Bring your own!