Are you bored of your dismal, insignificant role in society?! Do you yearn for more creative freedom and responsibilities!?
Or do you just want to get stuck into the greatest tongue twister of all times!?
By joining the Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry Society you can engage in furious events, protests, riots, and conferences!
All of which have the aim of repeating “red lorry, yellow lorry” over and over and over and over to change society for no discernible reason!
Join the Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry Society (P.S. It’s totally not a cult!)
Before joining, you’ll need to complete the following questionnaire and answer at least 90% of the questions correctly.
This is a psychometric test and, as you can imagine, this means it’s crammed full of inane bullshit only cretins would take seriously!
- Do you like lorries?
- Do you like red lorries?
- Do you like yellow lorries?
- Do you want to join the Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry Society?
- I don’t know
- You’re not the boss of me, no
- Life is unfair…
- Do you expect free sandwiches if you join the society?
If you answer mainly “yes” to the above questions, then you’re more than likely an excellent fit for the Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry Society!
However, do note there’ll be no free sandwiches. On the plus side, you do receive a free sausage when you join. It’s a cooked one and everything!
Tongue Twister Training
Once you join the society, you’ll endure rigorous training sessions. These last for 18 hours a day.
This is to ensure you’re able to head out into society, attend events, protests, and riots with the capacity to repeat “red lorry, yellow lorry” over and over.
However, be prepared for an astonishing mental onslaught. This is the Mount Everest of tongue twisters!
Grown skinhead football hooligans have been known to burst into tears within minutes of trying this notorious tongue twister.
It’ll take many, many months to master.
However, should you come out of the other side alive then you’ll be fully prepared to begin a new life as a society member!
Life in the Yellow Lorry, Yellow Society
Once a member, you’ll need to abandon your former life and move to our headquarters in the heart of Bolton of Greater Manchester.
There you’ll live in a reconstructed old factory. You’ll live off gruel, receive tuppence a week for wage, and live in a cement bedroom with a cement bed.
As an official cult member, your duties will consist of:
- Wandering aimlessly in the streets of Bolton while repeating “red lorry, yellow lorry” over and over.
- Helping make the gruel for all 200 members (and counting!!) each morning.
- Assisting new cult members with ensuring they don’t get tongue tied (you’re allowed to beat them with hammers to assist them).
- Cleaning out the cesspit daily.
- Spreading the word of the Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry Society at events across the country (and eventually world).
There are many upcoming events the society is targeting, many of which are motorsport events aimed at making them more lorry-based.
Please see below for further guidance on our schedule of indoctrination.
The Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry Society’s Plan of Action
Despite the pandemic, our acolytes have been able to brainwash 33 new followers into the cult over the last year.
We plan to increase our following to 500,000 before the end of 2021. To meet these ambitious targets, we intend to travel to events such as:
- Local go-karting tracks.
- Truck congregation places (e.g. motorway service stations).
- Bolton, Manchester, and (probably) Chorley town centres.
While attending these events, your duties will be to chant the tongue twister over and over.
You’ll receive a free sausage as reward for every event you attend.
Although, do remember, attendance is mandatory on pain of execution.
Our cult’s execution method is to play “The wheels on the bus go round and round” song in your quarters repeatedly until you die due to insanity-based causes.
Join Today (and get a FREE SAUSAGE!)
So, if you love lorries (red and yellow ones) and want a free sausage, come down to our headquarters today to be sworn in!
If you succeed and join our society, you can look forward to a long and rewarding life mastering a tongue twister most around you will fail miserably at.
Your friends and family? Bollocks to them! They don’t give you free sausages!
Join our society! Come and join us! Come on! Sausages! Lorries! Yes!!