Windshield Wipers is the hottest new club in town. It’s the ONLY windshield wiper-based club in the entire world.
You want to party with the best of them while windshield wipers wipe the floor with your dances moves?
Of course you do! Attend this Friday, too, to see a performance from the legendary Gut-Rot McGee! No refunds if he drops dead while on stage!
Get a FREE CARROT on the Door
We employ only the very best bouncers (who are windshield wipers). So, you’re not getting into our club unless you pass the Wipe Test:
- The bouncer approaches you with a massive grimace
- It then squirts you with soapy water and violently flaps himself across you
- If it then decides you’re clean enough, you can enter the club
Should any guests scream, faint, and/or panic during this test… they’ll be BANNED for life from Windshield Wipers (the club—you’re free to keep using them on your car).
But if you’re lucky enough to be cleared, then you pay £65.50 in CASH at the door and you’re free to enter.
Once you’re into the club, you MUST buy at least ONE beer. That’s at the excellent value price of ONLY £20.
It’s at this point you’ll receive a free carrot. 🥕
What Do You Do With the Free Carrot?
You’re free to do with the carrot whatever you please, but most revellers usually do one of the following:
- Eat the carrot
- Throw the carrot about the place
- Do really terrible and annoying Bugs Bunny impressions
- Take the carrot home with them to save for later
- Forget about the carrot, drop it on the floor, and revel with wild abundance
Please note—DO NOT DROP THE FREE CARROT ON THE FLOOR! That is VERY inconsiderate and a major tripping hazard.
In fact, we’ve started charging revellers £10 for every dropped carrot.
This is because, come the end of the night, there’s always about 700+ carrots laying about on the dancefloor, in the toilets, and at the bar. And it’s getting REALLY annoying!
You could argue we should drop the free carrot gimmick.
But it’s such a hot seller we can’t risk dropping it from our business model. When it’s £85.50 to just get into the club, and with other clubs offering £10 on the door at more competitive prices, it’s those carrots that are keeping us in business!
Star Performer: Gut-Rot McGee and Carrots 🥕
A big scoop for Windshield Wipers is regular star performer Gut-Rot McGee. Sure, he’s into his 90s and all that, but with your free carrot you get to see a crooner legend!
Dance music? What dance music!?
Look, you just paid £85.50 to get into the club, to get a free carrot, and you didn’t realise we’re a no house music club who only has Gut-Rot McGee performing (if he’s well enough, which isn’t often)?
No, that’s not false advertising at all.
You paid upfront! Get into the club and do our patented Windshield Wiper Dance*. That involves thrusting yourself from side to side with a pair of windshield wiper glasses.
Seriously, with your free carrot in one hand, the beer in the other, you’re guaranteed to pull the many, many babes who line up to avoid getting into this club.
Oh yeah, and you get a free carrot. Did we mention that? It’s a really good quality carrot as well. 🥕