After the colossal success of our 10 Vegetables Which Sound Like Your Insulting Someone, we’re here with fish. Why? Because we’re convinced the human being and fish can coexist peacefully. Until then, we guess there’ll be conflict and horror which we’re only beginning now to imagine and realise.
Fish, of course, come in many shapes and sizes. Some of them look hilarious, some of them look terrifying, and some of them look positively beautiful (the blobfish springs to mind). Whatever, some of them have names which you can fling about with wild abandon when standardised expletives escape you. Here we go!
1. Ram Cichlid
Ramming stuff, in general, is considered pretty insulting. Indeed, if you ram another car off a road, for instance, this is deemed “illegal” and “you’re not allowed to do that” as it’s rude and what not. Whatever. Bloody PC nanny state society… what’s the world coming to?! Anyway, this fish is way ahead of the game.
2. European Chub
Following the Brexit disaster, Europe isn’t being considered with the best appraisals of late. It’s lucky then this fish is here to help us all insult Europe as a whole. Why not, eh? There’s nothing quite like mindless criticism and prejudices!
Simultaneously frighteningly close to Jackson Pollock and a part of the male anatomy, the pollock is a work of art and a depraved perversity in one. That’s some good going.
4. Common Roach
Everyone hates a commoner, which is why some people need to be summed up as a commoner and a roach all in one. Shout this at someone on a crowded bus and it will draw gasps of horror so, indeed, use it wisely.
5. Common Snook
Yelling this at someone on a bus, however, will initiate a state lockdown from the local authorities. It’s a barbed insult of such intensity few people can hear it without crying like idiots. Take that, polite society!
The world’s most morbidly obese fish is also a bit of a insulting SOB. The blobish is a blob. Call someone this and you’re calling them a blob. Harsh but harsh.
One of the tastiest fish out there, haddock is also one of the most hilarious names for anything ever. This is an insult meant it jest; it’s something you’ll call your besty, or some such. You’d go: “You haddock, you!” You then both chortle as bestys are want to do, but then you’ll go and write scathing remarks about each other in private areas of social media.
This sounds a bit like “yuppy”, which means someone is a consumerist moron. A guppy is the same thing, but more about fish. Essentially, someone who uses this against another person is described this person as a sushi addled moron. Kind of like ourselves, then.
9. Gilt-head Bream
The Git-head Bream is possibly the most unfortunately named fish in history. Which evil fool called the creature this? What sort of issue did someone have with a fish to call it that right out of the net? We’re guessing it was a belligerent fool – perhaps he caught this and it bit him on the head, to which he announced:”Git head!”, thusly forming a lasting legacy and a fantabulous insult.
And One More for Bad Luck…
Also known as the “carp” by dyslexic people, ignoramuses, and general idiots, you can go around announcing “carp” and you’re only ever a small step away from profanity. That’s what living on the edge is well and truly about!