Okay, more Star Trek quoting! We’ve done “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” and so now it’s time to live long. And prosper!

That’s great and all that, living long and prospering, but our mission today is to work out if Spock had a better line in him. And we think he could have adjusted things just a little, all in the name of proposterousness.

Live long and prosper

Here’s the original with the bone breaking Vulcan hand signal thing. Plus, a haircut to which you could set your watch to! Brilliant, Spock. Brilliant.

Live long and buy a defroster

Indeed, with a defroster you can enjoy many things in life. Such as defrosted car windows, thusly ensuring you don’t plunge off the edge of a 20,00ft drop (or something).

Live long and support Tottenham Hotspur

It’s up to you whom you support. But Spock supports Tottenham Hotspur.

Live long and Jodie Foster

Yes. Jodie Foster wins on every single level.

Live wrong and prosper

It’s true. The more of a dickhead you are, the better you’ll do out there. Depends if you want it on your moral conscience, though. Mull it over.

Love thong and prosper

Space isn’t really thong weather, but we suppose if you still feel the need then you’ll be okay up there. Maybe (no you will not you will freeze and die).

Live in Hong Kong and prosper

You can live wherever you want. No pressure. But Spock, clearly, wants to live in Hong Kong and rates it.

Live ping-pong and prosper

We have a guide to ping-pong tables at work and every fibre of our bodies say no to ping-pong thank you very much!

Ear scuppernong and prosper

Scuppernong is a fruit. Your first mission is to try and find the stuff (don’t exactly populate your local supermarket), which Spock appears to be ignoring here. The pointy eared git.

Scrape along and prosper

That’s the apathy that’d mark Spock out as the freeloader we all know he is, behind that blue tunic. Just half-arse it and all will be well, Trekkies!

Tag along and prosper

You see? Don’t work. Be lazy. Tag along and you’ll do well!

Contrive long and prosper

Yes. Yes! We like this version of Spock. Cut corners! Half-arse it. Generally mess around to try and get the job done.

Own a beehive and prosper

It’s true. Them bees will get you honey and you can live forever on honey. It’s a fact.

And finally…

Survive and prosper

Stating the obvious, but it’s true if you survive then you’ll prosper. Key survival strategies include:

• Not getting yourself killed.
• Avoiding massive explosions.
• Driving really, really slowly everywhere.
• Never eating raw chicken.

If you follow that mini-guide, you’ll be just super. Congratulations!