A superb rock is for sale! Rocks really don’t get any better than this one guaranteed. This rock is:

• A real rock
• Huge
• NOT between a rock and a hard place!

Buy this rock today. Have it installed in your living room, toilet, and/or back garden. At a starting price of only £3,000, you too can bask in the glory and pomposity of enormous rock ownership.

Make Your Bid for This Rock TODAY

This excellent rock will be available at auction from 22/09/2023 at a low asking price. Get ready with your money to bid for this rock.

Become a massive rock owner, one of the most sought after signs of self-made success in the modern world. Revel in the:

• Knowledge of owning a massive rock.
• Lingering sense of being fleeced of your money for something useless.
• Sense of belonging (to the rock community).

You can also rest easy about your self-defence needs, for owning an enormous rock like this means you can simply CRUSH any heathen who dares get in your way.

It will mean you’ll need the strength of 100 Arnold Schwarzeneggers to lift the thing, but after a few sessions in the gym you’ll be there in no time.

Other Uses for the Rock

If just leaving this thing laying around after you’ve won it at auction seems a bit stupid, here are some other good uses for it:

• Catapult object: Pelt this item from your catapult (sold separately) into your neighbour’s yard to really rub their noses into your rock ownership (and their lack of it)!
  • Do note, you’ll be required to request they return the rock afterwards which they may be angry about (especially if you’ve demolished some of their property).
• Sinkhole blocker: Know of any local sinkholes? You can use this enormous thing to block it up. Hurray! You’re the saviour of the community.
• Punchbag: Invite angry locals jealous of your massive rock round to your home to punch the rock. Mock them pompously as they do. Hoh hoh hoh. They don’t have a rock!
• Roadblock: Are you sick to death of people driving by your home? Well, now you can use the rock to block anyone doing so! Well done! You deserve an ASBO.

Remember, a rock of this magnitude isn’t just for Christmas. It’s for life!

And in the case of this rock, that means about 200 million years more life or so. You’re going to have to devise some sort of strategy to pass this rock down from one generation to the next.

Otherwise you’ll be letting yourself down. Yeah. Best of luck with that!