Every literary addicts knows Samuel Beckett’s Waiting for Godot is a confusing time of it. That’s why it needs a prequel. AND IT’S RUDDY WELL HERE!

Waiting for Dodos is an exciting reimagining of whatever-the-hell-Beckett’s-play-is-about and features an all-star dodo cast of thespians dressed as dodos! Dreams do come true, right?

This is great because dodos are extinct. That’s why they can’t be used in the official adaptation of this play. It’d need to be thespians and, oh boy, we’ve got some terrific suggestions ahead.

Waiting for Dodos is the Ultimate Play About Being and Nothingness

Waiting for Godot has two character:

1. Estragon
2. Vladimir

Waiting for Dodos is a more accessible, family-friendly time of it. As such, the characters have been renamed Todd and Dave. This is just easier for everyone.

There’s also a stage prop—one tree. This is in the background, which Todd and Dave peck at from time to time (because dodos couldn’t fly, stupid!).

For the two roles, we’ve thought of a long list of actors to play them:

• Estragon: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brian Blessed, Damon Hill, Jodie Foster, Hilary Swank, Richard E. Grant.
• Vladimir: Sylvester Stallone, Amy Adams, Meryl Streep, Sigourney Weaver, Brian Blessed, Kathy Bates, Dick van Dyke.

After much consideration, we’ve decided to cast Arnold Schwarzenegger and Brian Blessed in the lead roles. A more superb choice there never could be.

The Symbolism and Hidden Meanings of Waiting for Dodos

The play will maintain much of Waiting for Godot’s cryptic qualities. You’ve got lines like this from Beckett’s play:

“Have you not done tormenting me with your accursed time! It’s abominable! When! When! One day, is that not enough for you, one day he went dumb, one day I went blind, one day we’ll go deaf, one day we were born, one day we shall die, the same day, the same second, is that not enough for you? They give birth astride of a grave, the light gleams an instant, then it’s night once more.”

This will remain in Waiting for Dodos, but the two actors (recap: Blessed and Schwarzenegger) will intersperse their on-stage antics with dodo-like behaviour. To whit:

• Cooing, hooting, and perhaps even cawing.
• Pecking at the ground (i.e. foraging for food).
• Preening.
• Taking occasional naps.

Such activities will make the play more accessible for children, whom otherwise may struggle with Beckett’s themes of existentialism (see Sartre’s philosophical thesis Being and Nothingness), the remorseless passage of time, futility, hope, and nihilism.

Children tend to be more interested in stuff like lollipops, running about yelling, picking their nose, and demanding ice cream.

As such, the birds will exhibit similar behaviours.

Audiences will delight in seeing Brian Blessed booming his way through the dodo-based dialogue. All while Arnold Schwarzenegger drops one liners and reminds everyone to buy his latest self-help book Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life (copies of which will be available in the theatre reception).

However, in the event anyone is getting bored during Waiting for Dodos, a live hippopotamus will be released on to the stage during Act II to reinvigorate the performance.

What the Critics Say About Waiting for Dodos: “A Masterpiece”

“The most idiotic play I have EVER seen! The performances are brilliant, but Brian Blessed booming his way through the dialogue with the intensity of a man with his trousers on fire is in stark contrast to Schwarzenegger’s relaxed one liners and habit of chain smoking cigars. It just doesn’t work.

At no point did I believe I was watching two dodos. I was merely painfully aware I was watching Brain Blessed and Arnold Schwarzenegger. That, in itself, isn’t a bad thing. I’m just not sure what this play is supposed to be… perhaps that’s the point.

In which case, I must hail Waiting for Dodos a masterpiece based on my inability to comprehend what on Earth the point of it is and not wishing to appear like I’m dumb and don’t understand its profundity.” Rupert Johnson, The Daily Conservative Ranting

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“I was pleasantly surprised by Waiting for Dodos and found it breathed new life into Samuel Beckett’s play. That is until the live hippopotamus was released on to the set. It promptly went berserk, bulldozed the tree stage prop over, and forced the two actors to flee the performance. The animal’s keeper was only able to calm it down by running on set and feeding the enraged beast multiple whole watermelons, which it crushed in its mighty jaws. The performance then resumed. 5/5 I thought it was great!” Amanda Saviour, The Barbarian Times

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“I’ve always found Waiting for Godot boring and impossible to decipher. Waiting for Dodos is much the same, but you get to see Arnold Schwarzenegger being a dodo, although he keeps clucking like a chicken and mimicking chicken movements. That’s not how dodos would’ve behaved, they were more like pigeons.

Plus, Brian Blessed’s bellowing gave me tinnitus.

Otherwise, a great show! Can highly recommend it for all ages, just be prepared to run for your lives when the hippopotamus storms the stage! The thing is insane and has a mind of its own.” John on Show Score