Hi there!! Angry Janet’s Nail Bar is run by me, Angry Janet!

To be clear, I’m not angry… not often, anyway. I generally think it’s a bit unfair my friends and clientele have dubbed me as Angry Janet. As you can see in the above picture of me from my marketing propaganda, I have the type of smug smirk of self-satisfaction that’s indicative of a major personality disorder. But not anger. Definitely not!

When my nails are this amazing, darling, there’s almost certainly nothing to be angry about. 💅

No, it’s my pathetic, sad act, loser, moronic customers who are the angry ones! All because I’m so vastly superior to them in every single way! Here’s why:

• I run a successful nail bar.
• I’m better looking than the vast majority of my customers.
  • The ones I deem better looking than me are banned before entering.
• My hair is always so shiny and manageable.
• My nails are always superb beyond comprehension.
• My nail bar competitors are crumbling thanks to my tactics of blackmail and vandalism.

In fact, many of my best customers are former nail bar owners made unemployed thanks to me setting fire to their premises. That’s probably why they’re so angry, tbh! But this is business and it takes a cutthroat mind to file down the competition to make it.

AND I HAVE WELL AND TRULY MADE IT!

The ANGRIEST Nails in All of Nail Bar Land

To be clear, may Angry Janet (me) does have a few occasional psychotic rages. Is that really anger? Really!? Well, maybe. I guess everyone has the odd tiff about things and those holes in the walls I’ve made with my fists are all down to the idiotic behaviour of my clientele.

Here’s a roll call of SHAME for customers being pricks:

• Arriving late: THIS ONE REALLY PISSES ME OFF! Imagine a customer says they’ll be there for 3:30pm and they turn up 20 minutes late. I’ve screamed abuse at many a customer for that one, I can tell you!
• Constantly changing their minds mid-services: JESUS H CHRIST THIS ONE IS ANNOYING! SO, SO ANNOYING! It really grinds my gears!
• Disrespecting my nail work: Every single nail I nail bar is 10/10 perfection and this is the level of skill I know my business brings to the world.
• Not tipping: For perfection there should be tips. Tip more, you sad act pricks!
• Leaving negative online reviews: THIS ONE REALLY PISSES ME OFF! WHY!? OH YOU DIDN’T LIKE YOUR NAILS, DID YOU!? YOU THOUGHT THE £300 SESSION WAS TOO EXPENSIVE DID YOU!? WELL THOUGH COOKIE DOUGH, PRICK! I CHARGE WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT AND WHAT YOU DON’T DO IS LEAVE NEGATIVE REVIEWS! PRICKS!

AND I AM SO SICK TO DEATH OF THESE UNGRATEFUL JERKS! DISSING MY BUSINESS?! I EARN MORE THAN YOU DO IN ONE MONTH THAN YOU DO IN THREE MONTHS PUT TOGETHER! COMBINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THOSE… PRICKS!!!!!!! I OUGHT TO TAKE A CHAINSAW TO THEIR NAILS IS WHAT I OUGHTA DO NEXT TIME THOSE PRICKS ARE HERE!!!!

Deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… deep blue ocean… 

Okay, I’ve calmed down again.

That’s an example of one of my minor tiffs. Don’t worry about that. I’m pretty and have nice hair, so mosey on down to Angry Janet’s Nail Bar for a lovely pair of nails!

EXCLUSION LIST: The Following Types of People Are FORBIDDEN From My Nail Bar

Please note, the following types of people ARE NOT welcome in my nail bar (this is for personal reasons, as opposed to mindless and unjustifiable bigotry):

• Men
• Weirdos
• Weirdo men
  • That’s 90% of their gender, let’s face it!
• Perverts!

Everyone else is welcome! Apart from younger and more attractive women. You’re banned for life.