Mr. Wapojif

Animal Form: Great Bureaucratic Books That Never Were 📑

Animal Form the bureaucratic book of forms for animals

Whilst George Orwell’s Animal Farm (1945) remains a classic of literature, few people know about the equally superb Animal Form.

It’s a bureaucratic work about animal forms. The reader buys the book and must then (under international law) fill out the 335 forms within.

The work isn’t considered as entertaining, more a form of mundane and repetitive torture. As such, many nations have banned it and burned the books in huge infernos. Such is human hatred towards needing to fill out an extensive form with many pointless tick box areas.

The Many Questionnaires of Animal Form’s Tedious Onslaught

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Your message has been sent

Do you like filling in forms?(required)
What do you want to see from forms in the future?

 

The above is the type of form you must fill out 335 times before you can finish Animal Form (likely for the last time… it’s not a book many people read twice).

It was first published in 1950 and updates several times a decade with a new edition. These provide updated forms and cover off new social norms, such as edition 45 (published in January 2024) containing several forms regarding arrogant vain selfie taking and private jet usage.

However, 90% of the forms are to do with animals. Creatures such as:

  • Ducks
  • Geese
  • Hamsters
  • Dogs
  • Cats
  • Bears
  • Lizards

Most of these forms are for anyone who’s just bought, or is thinking of buying, or is filling out pet insurance for, a new pet. Granted, not many people have a pet bear. But if you get one, you’d better fill out the form!

To note, there’s an entire three chapters dedicated to lizards. One chapter is specifically for a giant monstrosity that occasionally rampages across Earth.

This form is notorious and has gone down in legend as the most ludicrous, daunting, and pointless form in the entirety of questionnaire history.

The Godzilla Form

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Your message has been sent

As a rough estimate, how much damage has your Godzilla caused in US dollars?(required)

This form was intended to stop Godzilla going on a rampage. However, as many films from the 20th and 21st centuries can attest, the form hasn’t been very effective in even limiting these destructively berserk outbreaks.

However, if you own a Godzilla it’s still a good idea to get Godzilla insurance and fill out the above form.

This ensures that, when your Godzilla inevitably does destroy your nearest city, you can call the emergency hotline. They’ll then offer your Godzilla its favourite blanky, hopefully ending the onslaught.

Literary Criticism of Animal Form and the Case For Questionnaires

Pompous literary critics continue, to this day, to mock Animal Form. They claim the work is “tedious” and “boring” and “idiotic” and that form filling shouldn’t be considered within the pantheon of great literature.

Indeed, they argue that form filling isn’t literature at all.

The International Form Filling Society, with headquarters in Bolton of Greater Manchester, contest this claim most vociferously. Its chairman, Lord Rupertson Form III, told us:

“It’s absolutely disgusting these rotters think they can condemn forms! Where would mankind be without them!? Do you think in ancient Greece Socrates could have existed without forms? We need forms! Especially these days, with Marxism running rampant across society and various Godzilla outbreaks. It all needs documenting to ensure the safety of society.”

Ultimately, whether you like the book (and questionnaires in general) is down to you. There’s no denying a long, tedious slog of a form is enough to create a dip in mood even for the most optimistic of people.

And yet, if you want to buy that Godzilla pet, you’ll need a form all the same. So, don’t be quick to condemn something that opens up a world of opportunity, you fools.

64 comments

  2. “Please Write a Short Poem About Filling Out Forms”

    I hate sitting in my dorm
    Filling out another form

    How can I take the world by storm
    When I am shackled to the norm?

    I do not mean to you alarm
    But think I might do myself harm

    If this writer’s-cramping arm
    Generates any more smarm

    Hoping to be acceptable
    Or better yet, delectable

    To those who securely hold
    With grasp uncaring and cold

    All of my potential future
    In its beurocratic suture

    I sit, I twitch, I itch, I squirm
    I’d rather eat a squishy worm

    All slimy, squirmy, live and warm
    Than fill out even one more form!

    (I’m going to post it & give your site an honorable mention) 🙋

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

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