Leaves of Grass (1855) is a famous poetry book by Walt Whitman. However, few people have heard of a spin-off called Leaves of Crass that’s packed full of vulgar verse.

A very immature and silly book, it was written by Walt Whipman (presumably a pseudonym) in 2023 and self-published online. The book has since earned itself much criticism for being rubbish.

The Pointless Childishness of Leaves of Crass

Do I crap myself?
Very well then I crap myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

That’s the type of thing you’ll find in Leaves of Crass. Also, this.

Not I, nor anyone else can travel that bloody road for you.
You must travel it by yourself, dumbass.
It is not far. It is within reach, dickhead.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, cretin, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere – on water and land. Bummer.

For anyone who has read Leaves of Crass, you’ll notice Whipman has simply taken Whitman’s verse and laced it with profanity. It’s not big. It’s not clever. Frankly, it’s a stupid doodoohead of a creative decision and very, very lazy.

Especially with rubbish written like this.

I poo am not a bit tamed, I poo am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric yawp over the toilets of the world. Poo.

We go as far as to say we think Walt Whipman, whoever you bloody well are, is a FOOL and probably lives in rent arrears.

Now, we appreciate that may be defamation of character, slander, and a conspiracy theory, but we’re merely joining in with the onslaught of negative feedback so that we don’t look out of touch.

Oh, to be contrarian? Not on your nelly! Follow the leader, that’s the Professional Moron way.

Pompous Literary Fallout

As previously indicated, literary circles have been quick to lambast the work. Jeffrey Pompouston III wrote for the periodical Literary Bombast the following scathing review.

“Merely looking at this loathsome work of filth is enough to make one vomit all over the floor. And one has rather nice floors, which makes one CURSE the blasted day one ever set eyes on the book whose name one dare not speaketh. It is, at least, providing one’s freeloading butler and slaves with important work to do. Most of the time they are such lazy devils! Blaggards. Rather!”

Jeffrey Pompouston III was later arrested and sentenced to 135 years in jail for cheating on the board game Monopoly. That says everything you need to know about this vile, vile man.

Elsewhere, Rupert Pompouston III (Jeffrey’s brother) wrote in The Bombastic Literary Periodical the following.

“Before he was jailed for no good reason, my esteemed brother (Jeffrey Pompouston III) noted in the Literary Bombast that Leaves of Crass is crass. Far be it from me to ‘stir the pot’, as it were, but I agree with my brother wholeheartedly! As I agree with my brother… on everything. Except when he calls my wife uglier than his wife. Which she most certainly is not! She’s a MAGNIFICENT woman and as fine as a horse. Rot in jail, you bastard! That’s what you get for cheating at Monopoly all these decades.”

Elsewhere, on GB News, the book was branded as “woke” for no reason and burned in a giant fire outside the TV studio. There were no survivors.

Lessons to be Learned From Leaves of Crass

The moral of the story here? Swearing is wrong and you deserve the very worst if you screw around with Walt Whitman’s work. We hope the author behind this book is found, his/her real name released to the public, and his/her home burned to the ground in a, kind of, demented literary riot.

We appreciate controversy has a habit of promoting better sales, so we conclude by adding this review of Leaves of Crass IS NOT AN ENDORSEMENT.

It is a vilification. DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK! Also, stop swearing so much.