If you don’t want to go go-karting today, then the No-Karting centre is the venue for you! No racing fun for you on this day. Not even a hint of it.

We’ve got a track, but we’ve got no go-karts and, just to be on the safe side, we won’t let you wander around on it. Best we can offer is you can stare at the track forlornly from a distance and yearn for racing action. All at the affordable, cost-effective price of only £100 a session. Book your event today!

No-Karting—Where Fun is Not Allowed At All

Whether you’re a mother who doesn’t want your kids risking life and limb in a flimsy go-kart, or a father who just can’t hack this excitement no more, then No-Karting is the venue for you!

Work up your family into a peak of excitement, drive on down to our venue in Bolton of Greater Manchester, and then watch the crushing reality of boredom strike into the hearts of your little one. As our happy-go-lucky motto points out:

“There’ll be no-karting for you today, bellend!”

For your £100 session of 30-minutes, you may stand to one side in the waiting area. Thrillingly, there’s a window allowing your kids to stare out onto the track they could have been racing on!

While your kids wallow in the desperate boredom of the moment, mum and dad can hit our fully licensed on-site bar and get partially inebriated! It’s £10 a pint and £11 for a small glass of Prosecco.

Rules and Regulations: No Fun

The whole point of No-Karting is to strip every element of enjoyment out of motorsport. There are no go-karts on-site and few staff members. The employees who do work here are paid such a low wage you’ll get little more than a grimace of disdain from them.

However, we do have a near endless list of health & safety regulations to follow.

These are listed out in our 500 page health & safety manual, most of which covers how our business is custom built from the ground up to remove all fun and danger from motorsport events.

If you would like to read this manual, please speak to one of our moody and capricious members of staff who may, or may not, fetch the only copy from the cabinet in the male bathroom.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Here are some answers to our customer’s FAQs!

THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS! What a con! Are there any go-kart tracks near your venue!? Since we’ve made this trip, we may as well find an actual go-karting centre!

NO! None. Nothing! To spite you all, we’ve deliberately chosen a location as far away as humanly possible from the next nearest go-karting track. If you’re hepped up on coffee and energy drinks, you may wish to complete the long, tedious drive over to our competitor, but most people will give up instantly and head home.

YOUR SERVICE IS A DISGRACE! Can I get my money back!?

Oh, sorry! We have a no-refunds policy. Better luck next time!

I’m thinking of hosting a birthday party event here, has your venue the size and scale required to cope with 15+ extremely disappointed teenage boys ready to vent their frustrations due to your lacklustre business offering?

Certainly! The more the merrier! Our expert team is skilled with disappointing our customers and we can guarantee our moody employees will bark swear words at sniffling teenagers whingeing about how “it’s not fair” they’re at a NO-karting track. The clue is in the name, you woke snowflakes! Be a man and grow some chest hair!