In the stale old world of business meetings, it’s good business practice to ideate within the spheres of businessdom to perambulate a delineation.

Our ideational ideation on the matter is to realise thus—pond meetings will be the Q3 AND Q4 2025 buzzword in the office-based business world.

In this expert guide, we’ll take you through the ins and outs of this latest business fad and how it’ll turn your underpaid, depressed employees into underpaid, depressed employees who’ve just fed some ducks.

Employment Laws Regarding Business Meetings at Ponds

As this is a new endeavour, there aren’t any employment law acts to legislate it. However, we aim to retrospectively create, said, Act and call it The Business Meetings at Ponds With Ducks (Miscellaneous) Act 1974.

This lengthy Act will be a profane diatribe against the tedious nature of your average meeting and will make the claim for more exciting ones. Principally:

• At a pond
• At a pond with ducks

The idea is to take your team to the nearest local pond—get a bus, train, or taxi if necessary, but a short walk is preferable for maximum productivity. Once at the, aforementioned, pond you should:

• Hold the meeting
• Ideate
• Boast about profits, but refuse to give anyone a pay rise
• Close the meeting to feed the ducks

Ensure your team has access to bread for the final point. Do not provide your staff with bread. They must bring their own.

With the, aforementioned, bread your team can then feed the ducks whilst making idle chitchat. This team building exercise will be superb for morale, lift team spirits, fill some duck bellies, and restore some faith in the world. Then it’s back to the daily grind with zero possibility of salary reviews within the next decade.

Employment Laws Regarding Business Meetings at Ponds With Ducks

Due to the nature of ducks likely being present before, during, and after the, aforementioned, meeting at a pond, it is important to remember your duty of care as an employer.

Whilst ducks aren’t typically dangerous animals, there’s still a possibility one (or more) of your employees could be maimed by a duck on a rampage.

A bigger threat is with geese, large birds that are prone to fits of rage and hissing. An angry goose can decapitate Dave from accounts in a matter of seconds. This is bad for business, which is why you must note The Geese at Work Act 1974 for advice regarding that matter.

However, The Ducks at Work Act 1974 doesn’t exist and, thus, until The Business Meetings at Ponds With Ducks (Miscellaneous) Act 1974 is ratified under law it’s going to be a bit of a free-for-all regarding the beaked bastards.

Employment Laws Regarding Business Meetings at Ponds Where There Will Be Other People

One of the few downsides to a meeting at a pond in a local park is that other people, legally, are going to be there. This may include the likes of:

• Mothers with prams getting in the way
• Retired people walking their dogs getting in the way
• Kids on school holiday playing football
• Random drug dealers trying to make a profit
• Random drug addicts trying to score a deal

Be sure to maintain a no drug dealing policy at your business. Do not allow, for example, that young junior marketing executive upstart Callum to score some crafty drugs from the, aforementioned, drug dealer.

It goes without saying, but we’ll say (type) it anyway, a business meeting by a pond is for business purposes only. Not for some precocious junior executive to blag some cocaine.

Additionally, ensure male employees do not engage any children playing football in “a match”. This is bad for business productivity. As such, it’s good business practice to keep employees lazy and lethargic, so only stash low-quality and unhealthy snacks in your office environment. This way, over time the male employees’, respective, gradual weight gain will reduce their desire to:

• Score drugs
• Play football in parks

The same applies to any female members of staff. This is important under the upcoming Business Meetings at Ponds With Ducks (Miscellaneous) Act 1974. Women DO NOT get any favourable treatment.

No matter how nicely they’ve done their hair that particular day, they ARE NOT allowed to score drugs at the park.

However, under the planned section 588AG in The Business Meetings at Ponds With Ducks (Miscellaneous) Act 1974, they will be allowed to pet the ducks.