The Time Machine by H. G. Wells (1895) is a famous book. It also got turned into a famous film! That was called The Time Machine (1960) and is good.

However, not so good was the vegetarian PROPAGANDA novel called The Thyme Machine (2020). This work is a disgrace to humanity! It’s packed full of pro-vegetable pseudoscience and reading it is enough to make a morally upstanding gentleman (or human female) want to faint.

This review of the work stands as a warning to history—vegetables are thine enemy.

REVOLTING Vegan Propaganda in The Thyme Machine

“There are really four dimensions, three which we call the three planes of Space, and a fourth, Thyme.”

This book, written by a conspiracy theory nutcase called Jennifer Counterculture McHippy (a noted COMMUNIST!!!), postulates the theories that:

1. Eating vegetables is good for you
2. We should all adopt a more vegetable-heavy diet
3. Thyme is the fourth dimension and can be used for time travel

As you may be able to tell, points one and two are the most insane levels of leftist lunacy imaginable and worthy only of contempt.

However, we must admit the third point is of some interest, as explored by The Thyme Machine.

Although McHippy has no scientific, engineering, or manufacturing qualifications, she makes a strong case through her letters and words that time travel is possible through the use of thyme.

“There is no difference between Thyme and any of the three dimensions of Space except that our consciousness moves along it.”

The work is part fiction, part scientific postulation, part rambling leftist diatribe.

McHippy got a D in mathematics at high school, but notes she has read Albert Einstein’s Wikipedia page and feels she has a “solid” grasp of physics “and stuff”. Also having briefly read the Lorentz transformation for time dilation, she states the following.

“If 1+1 truly does equal 2, therefore, and hence, as I’ve just Googled the meaning of gravitational time dilation and closed timelike curves (CTCs), it is 100% certain time, under the Gödel Universe model (something I just looked up a couple of minutes ago via a dubious source), can be achieved using a tipler cylinder, some burning incense, wormholes (see Einstein-Rosen Bridges), and lots and lots of thyme.

I intended to test out this thesis but, alas, on my visit to the local supermarket they were, sadly, out of thyme (at the time, as opposed to thyme, of writing). I shall try again later but it does mean, again sadly, I cannot confirm with 100% certainty the veracity of my claims. As such, I am left to confidently state they’re 99% accurate.”

Since its launch, McHippy continues to struggle to find thyme at any local supermarkets and/or markets.

This inability to locate any of the herb, and put her theory to the test, has led some of the world’s leading scientists to suggest she may well be lying.

Exclusive Interview: Jennifer Counterculture McHippy Speaks Out!

In an exclusive interview with Professional Moron, on 25th May 2025 we met up with McHippy in a local McDonald’s to have a salad and a discussion. This is how she responded to some of our questions (verbatim).

Q: What’s your favourite soap opera?

McHippy: I’m sorry, I don’t watch television.

Q: Who’s your favourite gangsta rapper?

McHippy: I won’t be discussing that, the only music I listen to is either Enya or whale sounds.

Q: How many people have you shot dead with a gun?

McHippy: What?! That’s ridiculous!

Q: How many, then?

McHippy: None! Are you going to ask me about my magnum opus or not?

Q: What radicalised you toward becoming a communist bastard?

McHippy: [Gets up and leaves].

There we have it, then! All your questions answered. To be honest, it’s not the best book but one you can enjoy whilst locked away in jail for being a COMMUNIST SYMPATHISER.