The science-for-beginners book Seven Brief Lessons on Physics (2015) is a book. The mumbo jumbo within it was written by physicist Carlo Rovelli to help stupid people understand science.
Not that much needs understanding! For science is mumbo jumbo. The berserk delusions of types such as Erwin Rudolf Josef Alexander Schrödinger and his DUMB thought experiments about cats. Pfft.
Anyway, after 2015 a bunch of psychics began cashing in on Rovelli’s book. The best is Seven Brief Lessons on Psychics (2016), which is a superb work and not at all mumbo jumbo.
Get Yourself Deluded by Seven Brief Lessons On Psychics
“Ever since we discovered the Earth is round and turns like a mad spinning-top, we have understood that reality is not as it appears to us.
That’s where I come in. I’m Bombastic Barbara, the greatest psychic in the North West of England. Want the mysteries of the Universe decoding? Come to me, cross my palms with silver (pre-payments via bank transfer only), and I’ll read your tarot cards.”
And so begins the greatest work of science ever written (according to many psychics). Written by psychic Bombastic Barbara. who is 67 and lives in Bolton of Greater Manchester, where she performs palm readings from her living room. As she explains in chapter 1 (Why You’re a Dickhead and What to do About It):
“Thousands have flocked from around the world to see me. Had one bloke from Bangladesh rock up at the front door, unable to speak a word of English, but desperate for me words of wisdom teeth. I read his palms. Sadly, they said he only had 35 seconds to live. I told him, but the stupid fucker didn’t understand a word I said.”
She goes on, in frequently rambling and largely incoherent fashion, to list the seven psychic truths. Although she gets a bit confused here and doesn’t list them chapter by chapter. For example, the seventh lesson is second to appear, with the first in last.
To remove any confusion, we’ve listed them out here in what we think, by intensive critical thinking, to be the right order. The:
- Architecture of the Vague
- Curvature of the Guess
- Quantum Mechanics of the Delusional
- Removal of Reality With a Crystal Ball
- Gravitational Pull of the Grift
- Black Hole of Accountability
- The Delights of Denial
The lessons are full of rambling madness that makes little sense, but appeals to our sense of rational abandonment. After all, why listen to harsh reality when you can have Bombastic Barbara waxing lyrical about how you’re called John and will win the lottery in 2185?
We like those odds. We like this book. We like living in a bubble of delusion.
🔮 Free Crystal Ball With 2026 Reissue 🔮
For the 10th anniversary of the work, the book has been reissued! Everyone who buys a copy will find it’s:
- Signed by Bombastic Barbara
- Accompanied by a COMPLETELY FREE crystal ball
We contacted Bombastic Barbara for a quote about this wonderful occasion, but instead she gave us a tarot reading and, apparently, the Professional Moron office in Manchester will be struck by a 30-mile-wide asteroid within the next 78 hours.
We’ll keep an eye out for that, then! Thanks for the heads up, Barbara.
