Sleeping in a street gutter doesn’t have to be a drain.
At Real Estate Bastard Enterprises Ltd., we’re here to prove just that (as in renting a street gutter isn’t a drain). Our property offers state-of-the-art drainage systems to ensure fresh rain water is directed directly onto your direct person, saving you money on showers and cleaning bills.
Book a viewing today! This property is not to be missed!! If you miss a viewing on this, you’ve gutter be kidding yourself you’ll find somewhere better to live.
42 Pork Pie Avenue Street Gutter: Bolton’s Best Kept Secret
- £3,000 p/m
- NO PETS
- NO BILLS INCLUDED
- Industrial chic interior design
- Dynamic, ever-changing neighbourhood
- Integrated drainage cooling system
- Free water features
- Unrivalled proximity to local public transport
This home offers much, much more than somewhere to lie down after a busy day at work. It offers a multi-stream revenue model, where some loose change may occasionally wash into your knackered out and prone body as you lie there in the street.
Rest assured, local law enforcement won’t hassle you under the belief you’re a tramp. That’s because this gutter is a listed property to rent. Even if they do hassle you, you can wave them away with your rental contract, which is legally binding, even after it gets covered in water and disintegrates.
Great Ventilation, but Grates NOT Included
Please note, a grate is mandatory as part of this rental. It ensures water flows down the street gutter and into the sewer system of Bolton. However, please note: GRATES ARE NOT INCLUDED IN THIS RENTAL.
You will need to buy and bring your own grate.
We heartily recommend the ACO Hexdrain and Raindrain Heelguard Iron Grating ATec (500mm). Please note, this MUST be the ACO Hexdrain and Raindrain Heelguard Iron Grating ATec (500mm) and NOT the ACO Hexdrain and Raindrain Heelguard Iron Grating ATec (400mm).
Before signing the lease, you MUST be able to prove you can buy one of these grates.
Honest but Desperate: Hear From the Last Street Gutter Tenant
“Hi I’m Kev. I’d fallen on hard times so had to move out of me swanky 1 bedroom flat in Blackrod and into Bolton’s street gutter district. 42 Pork Pie Avenue offers sum ov duh best gutters in all of Bolton and Lankashire. I’d get home from me 12 hour a day warehouse job and be knackered so I’d lie there in the street. If I we’re lucky it’d what been raining and I’d get an free shower. Rest off the thyme it where cold and dank I’ll be honest but when it we’re only £3k an month your looking at a bargain. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”
Kev was later arrested for tax fraud and fouling his underwear at work, which is what led to his eviction from this highly sought after property. Get your viewing booked today to avoid disappointment (i.e. having to live in a building with actual walls).
