Beach Read is a 2020 romance novel by Emily Henry. It is popular. But did you know the romance novel Bleach Read (2024) by romantic novelist Richard Dickhead is also really romantic? It truly is!

Although the central narrative arc is, indeed, about bleach, there’s much more going on here as well. In fact, AI Book Critic 2.0 hailed the work as, “The greatest romance book about Bleach Read since Beach Read!” Although, please note, Beach Read isn’t about bleach at all and the AI book critic made an error there.

Falling in Love With Powerful Chemical Products in Bleach Read

“And that was the moment I realised: when the world felt dark and scary, bleach could whisk you off to go dancing; bleach could take some of the pain away; bleach could melt holes in your fear. I decided then that my life would be full of bleach.”

You may have heard of AI boyfriends and girlfriends, and the endless joys of that existence, but what if a woman falls in love with a dilute solution of sodium hypochlorite and/or hydrogen peroxide?

That’s addressed on page 1, chapter 1, of book 1 of this intended multi-series romance franchise.

“I must admit, I’d never found hydrogen peroxide to be attractive before. It seemed more like something you’d tip down the drain to take the stink off a night of drunken vomiting after one-too-many Proseccos. But now… I looked at that big tub of bleach on the supermarket shelf and I found myself thinking, ‘That is my future husband… we shall have bleach babies and they’ll be immune to the world around them.’ Rather than have myself committed, I swooned and bought the tub of bleach.”

What follows is a romance like few other romances have ever romanced. The love for a woman and a tub of plastic filled with chemical grade bleach knows no bounds.

Across 500 pages (some of which appear to be AI generated, but that’s to be expected if the author is an AI chatbot), AI Book Critic 2.0 rants, raves, and does AI hallucinations. Famously, in chapter 179 it forgets the book is a romance novel and lists out verbatim an entire chapter from Moby-Duck.

The following chapter also, mysteriously, mentions the tennis player Boris Becker a total of 3,455 times.

The novel then returns its focus on romance, with the work concluding that a woman can’t love a tub of bleach as it results in all sorts of unpleasant burns, irritations, and toxic fumes.

It’s a very moving work! We cried 117 times whilst reading its fascinating generated prose. But that may have something to do with us owning…

The Bleach Special Edition Hardcover

Each printed copy of the work was dipped in bleach and sold to the public as the Bleach Special Edition (hardcover). Many readers reported, over extended reading sessions, various health problems. Including, but not limited to:

• Skin peeling off their fingers and hands
• Fits of hysterics and uncontrolled emotional breakdowns (crying etc.)
• Chemical inhalation leading to crazed hallucinations of angry geese, pink elephants, and nude Jon Bon Jovi concerts
• Delirium
• Gagging sensations
• Coma (and general lack of responsiveness)

AI Book Critic 2.0 was quick to highlight on its social media platforms these health problems had nothing to do with the quality of its novel. It stated on 23rd January 2025:

“These angry geese who are reading my novel Bleach Read shouldn’t be reading books at all. They’re angry geese, not human beings. End statement.”

It’s believed AI Book Critic 2.0 suffered an AI hallucination there. The chatbot has never addressed the matter since and continues to produce fiction, whilst supplementing its wage with book reviews as a side-hustle.