It’s time to mix up your BORING old tea routine! Spot of Tea With a T. Rex offers SUBSCRIPTION ONLY access to a spot of tea, all under the watchful, remorseless, hungry gaze of one of our on-site Tyrannosaurus rex.

Rest assured, the T. Rex is merely an animatronic! It’s not the real deal as these dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.

However, the monster is poorly designed with dodgy wiring. So, don’t for a second expect your safety to be guaranteed! The blasted thing has already had several meltdowns and has chomped on the nearby leisure centre AND trampled all over the kid’s playground swings in the park. That’s quite the sentence! Better have a spot of tea. ☕

Builder’s Brews and Horrifying Monsters! Have a Spot of Tea With a T. Rex (no dogs allowed)

Dogs are banned from our café. This is a severe, immediate FYI because if you try and get in here with so much as a LABRADOR we’ll have our burly head chef on you. He’s bald and six foot three and you don’t want to mess with him, let alone eat his atrocious food (he used to be a bouncer, now he’s trying his hand at new talents).

No dogs!

As for the T. Rex, the man animatronic is out back next to the car park (i.e. out back). It has a range of movements including, but certainly not limited to, predatory lunatic mayhem such as:

• Roaring
• Lunging at “prey”
• Trampling over your parked cars
• Charging at whatever it views as a passing threat

Again, rest assured. Although the animatronic can cause huge swathes of destruction, they’re totally harmless because they’re not living beings! They’re just poorly designed contraptions to act as a gimmick to get you into our store for dodgy builder’s brews and other guff.

To note, the other contraption is half a T. Rex that looms over the top of the store so it bellow mighty loud into your face as and when you arrive. Like this!

Welcome to our café! That’s what that bloodcurdling noise means. We think you’ll agree it’s a most welcoming way to greet anyone into our humble abode.

A Further Notice About Our No Dogs Policy!!

Seeing as CUSTOMERS KEEP IGNORING OUR NO DOGS POLICY, let us reiterate it again here for you:

• NO DOGS!
• NO DOGS!
• NO DOGS!

If you have a problem with this policy, please refer to the legendary book The Dog Delusion. Dogs don’t even exist and we OBJECT to you bringing robotic beings masquerading as animals INTO OUR STORE!

You’ve been warned! Try it on and you’ll get a knuckle sandwich!!

However, do note we’re totally tolerant towards many other animals you wish to bring into the joint. That includes parakeet, cats, sausage dogs (as these are sausages, not dogs), hamsters, Tamagotchi, and children.

Do note, while children are tolerated they’re not allowed to speak while on our premises. That’s why we’ve got that roaring T. Rex out front to scare them into speechless! And, no, that’s not “abuse”! It’s just common sense.