Recently, on hilariously pretentious pseudo-intellectual site Slant Magazine, Mr. Wapojif was criticised for having a go at how rubbish rap music is in the comments section. We’ll clear that up right here – rap is a musical form which encompasses myriad cultures across this planet Earth. It’s lovely to see different races being united, so whether you’re white, black, pink, yellow, green, or purple, rap allows anyone to have a go, and the results are always the same – unmitigated crap.
It’s cute how seriously gangsta rappers take their persona. Prowling about wearing baggy clothes, awful jewellery, scowling, and leering at women – all the juvenile macho posturing must be bloody hard work! What we like best about rap music, though, is how absolutely every rap song sounds exactly the same – an ear scrapingly grotesque mesh of deep bass and lyrics like “Move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way” (a song by Ludacris). Beautiful… like cheese. So here are 20 rap albums improved with cheese!
Kendrick Lamar curses the day he discovered cheddar, as it’s made him gain a lot of weight. Boo hoo, Kendrick Lamar!
I Decided Feta
Big Sean knew it was tough which cheese he wanted. Ultimately, he went for feta and he’s made a whole album about his experience.
The Cheese Dropout
Kanye West, with this album, reflected on his decision to leave cheese behind and forge ahead with a non-cheese existence. Brave man.
Get Cheese or Die Tryin’
50 Cent knows the importance of cheese and is ready to put his life on the line in order to chow down on the dairy product. God, he’s so tought!
Death Certificate of Cheese
Ice Cube is obsessed with death and how tough and fearless he is, so he got a death certificate made of cheese which he has nailed to his living room wall. It’s now mouldy and smells bad.
3 Feet of Cheese and Rising
Cheese is piling up for De La Soul, whose life is surrounded by cheese and it’s unstoppable! Terrifying.
At What Cheese
GoldLink is wondering something about cheese, but doesn’t appear to have formulated the idea correctly in the album name. Oops – bit embarrassing, dude.
Pretty Girls Like Cheese Music
2 Chainz knows it’s all about pretty girls, most of whom enjoy a wodge of cheese every now and again. Convinced he can bag the babes with more cheese, he’s made an entire album of it!
You Only Cheese 2wice
Freddie Gibbs thinks you only cheese twice. Clearly he was a bit drunk when he wrote the album name as he got it wrong, but more perturbing than this is why we, apparently, can only cheese twice. Any ideas?
Jay Z’s album is all about the time of day when he allows himself his first bit of cheese, which is 4:44 pm, it seems. Or am. It’s difficult to tell.
Murs is so into his cheese and rapping he thinks he’s a captain of all cheese. Cripes!
Back to the Basics (of Cheese)
Okay, so Richie Homie wants to take cheese back to the basics. We guess this means he wants to make cheese more accessible for society – no more gourmet stuff like brie! Strip it back and make even the lowliest of troglodyte working class scumbags appreciate the stuff.
This is the upcoming, debut gangsta rap album from our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapoijif. This album is dedicated to guns, sexism, and homophobia. You can check out all about it shortly! It’s got nothing to do with cheese, it’s just a shameless plug.