How LOL And ROFLMAO Destroyed The World


Welcome to the first edition of A Brief Moment in History. My blog (Professional Moron if you have forgotten where you are) isn’t all about doom and gloom, idiotic absurdity, and other stuff to be miserable about, for I also provide free history lessons. So what could I, an unqualified and largely incompetent historian, relate to you? Well, for this first edition, I have a brief look at the history of the word “LOL”.

Now “LOL” isn’t technically a word. In fact, it isn’t a word at all, it’s an acronym (also referred to as an ellipsis) for Laugh Out Loud. Some morons, professional or otherwise, have mistaken it for Lots of Love, Larry Ogles Liam, Large Oranges Levitate, Leering Oddballs Lose, Lent Only Lists, Letters Open Lorries, Larynx Of Lenny, Lolly Of Lazarus, etc. They are severely incorrect with this. “LOL” stands for Laugh Out Loud and was drafted into Internet terminology, lexicon, discourse and what have you, due to some nerd’s incomprehension that typing “haha” could possibly be construed by intelligent human beings as a jovial retort. As a consequence a generation of below par intellects, those afflicted by peer pressure, and the generally vacuous, have succumbed to its vice like grip. “LOL” has cursed the written landscape ever since. It is impossible to pinpoint just when it came into existence (not even The Flying Spaghetti Monster knows that), but if it is ever discovered it will mark the very moment when humankind began its tumultuous slide towards extinction!

Perhaps I am being overly dramatic. Is “LOL” really that bad? The answer is simple; yes. These three letters, enough to make any LOL fearing Flying Spaghetti Monsterite foul themselves in sheer terror, spawned varying forms. Soon the bizarre “ROFLMAO” burst onto the scene. Another acronym (or ellipsis if you wish to sound intelligent), it stands for “Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off”. Now at least “LOL” can be said in polite conversation. “ROFLMAO” is a garbled mix of pre-pubescent nerdiness the world really didn’t need. It is already too late – there will never be an escape from the world of LOLing maniacs. Soon everything will spiral out of control, and in a thousand years the Earth itself will have evolved (if you believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution, otherwise The Flying Spaghetti Monster just changed it in its magnificent omnipotence) into a giant “LOL!” in a friendly attempt to get peaceful aliens to save our sordid souls.

There are plenty of conspiracy theories as to why this heinous crime was committed on the English language, and as a consequence urban legends have sprung up like giant leaking taps. Here are just a few of them; they all seek clarity on one united question – just why was “LOL” invented? And who invented it? And for what reason? So there are a multitude of questions, not just one. Read on:

  • Brad Pitt coined the phrase to provide the Earth with something other than his dashing good looks.
  • “LOL” wasn’t invented at all it has simply always existed.
  • The Queen of England actually invented the phrase in 1974 whilst playing Dungeons and Dragons with The Duke of Edinburgh.
  • People use the phrase “LOL” as they have been indoctrinated by the Honey Monster during one of his “lapses” in 2004. The Honey Monster has since been clean.
  • Few people who use the phrase actually have any idea what it means, they simply use it like the mindless sheep they are.
  • Bill Gates gets so infuriated by the term that he actually beats his bare knuckles against his scalp and wails incomprehensibly.
  • “LOL” is popular amongst morons, professional or otherwise.

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