Why must people use bizarre statements such as “At the end of the day…” and “What it boils down to…”? They are such easy sayings that are, basically, trying to cover the whole arena of human life and beyond. What’s even lazier is to combine the two, “At the end of the day, what it boils down to, is that cement will taste like cement when you eat it.” Thrilling! Wonderbar! Useless. Let’s take a sneak peak at Statement No.1; “At the end of the day.” What day? And what happens at the end of a day? Here at Professional Moron we understand idioms. And what we think of idioms is that they’re idiotic. LOL! ROFLMAO! etc. Now, donut get confused with donuts, or reality, for, with hindsight, and prior knowledge to stuff and things, etc. You need to understand that, what it boils down to, is a shed. Let us all face it – life without sheds is like life without cheese. And a cheese shed would be, like, totally the best thing ever, yo.
Okay so our train of thought went off a bit there. Nevermind you mind. Let us return, rather merrily, to “at the end of the day.” It’s used (read, tacked on) to sentences when it is, in actual actuality, redundant and irrelevant. A sentence such as “I really do enjoy picking my nose!” does not become better when you add in, “At the end of the day, I really do enjoy picking my nose!” Or, worse, “What it boils down to, at the end of the day, is that I really do enjoy picking my nose!”
Now, statement two. “What it boils down to.” What does what boil down to? Sugar? Well it makes a sort of fudge for overweight people to munch on. What does water boil down to? Not a lot. So just why do these ruddy things exist? I would say they are just performing as a kind of filler. People don’t really understand, or acknowledge, they’re saying them. Instead they’re just picking up on something they’ve conceived as accepted converse of polite, formal, business-minded society. In their brains this translates to an accepted norm. If you said to someone, “At the start of the day….” or “what it doesn’t boil down to…” you would observe the very collapse of the fabric of reality. And why? As they’re not accepted as normal. But they’re a hell of a lot more fun, at the end of the day, than boiling it down to the bitter, crusted, frothing remnants of a Pot Noodle. Ho yes, guy, you had better believe it.
We provide here some new sayings we hope might take the place of the, by now, really rather tired sayings. These are not copyright so, what this boils down to, is that they’re free to use in your day to day life.
1. What it spoils down to… – A play on food spoiling. Good, eh?
2. At the bend of the day… – Days don’t really bend but, you know, we like the saying. It just sounds right.
3. At the send of the day… – Perhaps a reference to how much e-mail sending we all do. Contemporary, non?
4. What it Moyles down to…. – A play on tedious radio DJ Chris Moyles.
5. What it foils down to… – Do you like foil? Here at Professional Moron we love it! So brighten up your day with this saying.