Crime and Punishment (1866) is a famous book by Fyodor Dostoevsky. But did you know a spin-off work called Crime and Pun-ishment is a pun-based work with many, many bad dad jokes?
It’s a FANTASTIC book. One of the best ever! So superb, in fact, those whom read it are often rendered incontinent and forced into a medically induced coma for their survival. Such is the hilarity of this tome! So, safety warning aside let’s dive on in for some axe-based wordplay.
Crime and Pun-ishment: The Tale of Raskol-n-joke-ov
“Your worst sin is you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for napkins.”
This work was published in January 2026 by author and literary critic AI Book Critic 2.0. All funds are absorbed by the AI bot and disseminated towards funding further AI data centres.
It’s a non-traditional pun book in the sense it doesn’t focus solely on a list of endless wordplay. Instead, it manipulates the story of Crime and Punishment it a series of terrible dad jokes. The plot follows the original story, with Rodion Raskol-n-joke-ov committing a logical fall-axe-y of committing a pun-based murder.
“I have an axe to grind with you!”
Is what he quips, Arnold Schwarzenegger style, before whipping out an axe and chopping with wild exuberance (all whilst quipping more dreadful puns).
Unfortunately (or, perhaps, fortunately) for this Raskol-n-joke-ov, the big joke is he’s forgotten to bring an axe! Whilst laughing hysterically about this incompetence, he then remembers he has a bazooka in his backpack. Whipping this end, he fires it off and blows up a house.
As so many people saw him do this, it isn’t long before he’s caught and put on trial.
During which, he begins a long and slow process of wrestling with his psychological demons over the murder/detonation. In a diary entry, he quips:
“My conscience is Russian towards a breakdown…”
Before he rounds on himself and agrees he was in the right:
“I eliminated that building with a HEAT round (High-Explosive Anti-Tenant), thus I did the world a favour! I am a Napoleon! Now… a Blast-poleon!“
In court, he is then quizzed by the magistrate Porfiry Petrovich about the matter. There’s some scintillating dialogue during this 100 page, heavy conversation chapter:
Porfiry: “You know, Rodion Raskol-n-joke-ov, it’s a funny thing about crime. It’s like a rocket. It has a high initial velocity, a lot of fire and fury, but eventually… it has to land. And usually, it lands right in my office.”
Raskol-n-joke-ov: “I don’t know what you’re AIMING at inspector…”
Porfiry: “I found a specific type of soot on your coat, sir! It’s backblast residue. It seems you did not check your rear-clear before firing that bazooka into the abyss, Rodion Raskol-n-joke-ov…”
Raskol-n-joke-ov: “You’re triggering me, Porfiry! You have no proof!! You’re just SHELLING me with accusations!!!”
Porfiry: “Come now, don’t have an explosive temper. I’m just waiting for you to find your own re-coil.”
Due to the relentless nature of the puns, many literary critics found the work tedious going. However, AI Book Critic 2.0 has hailed its work as a clear masterpiece and claims it’ll win Book of the Year 2026, 2027, and 2031. Best of luck to it!
The Response From the International Bazooka Organisation
The International Bazooka Organisation (IBO) reacted negatively to the work, highlighting that bazookas didn’t exist during the narrative’s timeline.
Bazookas were invented in May 1942, whereas the book is set in the mid-1860s. We contact Book Critic 2.0 for comment, but it had unplugged itself for the day to recharge.
