Now some people say you’re only allowed to “do” pranks up until midday on April Fool’s “Day”.
This is, of course, complete nonsense. I should imagine this rule was invented by evil capitalists with one eye on their profit margins in fear their employees destroy the Earth in amongst all their jovial silliness.
Here at Professional Moron we do away with such notions and suggest, seeing as it is a Sunday after all, you to embark on the most outrageous prank you can muster from your feeble minds!
We’re just as bad, remember. Our brains don’t even work well enough to know what day it is most of the time.
April Fool’s Tricks
So, without further time wasting, here are some excellent jokes to get embroiled in.
Set fire to your trousers
Surprise your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/friends by arbitrarily setting fire to your trousers! You can be wearing them, or you could build a great big trouser bonfire in your garden and let them blaze away.
Make sure you have attractive underwear for this as you’ll be needing to go and buy new trousers once this is done.
Pick your nose in public
Nothing’s more stupid and embarrassing than standing about picking a nostril whilst in full view of thousands.
During the London Olympics 2012, we did think of a nose picking event. That would have been very public indeed!
Today is the perfect day to embark on such abject stupidity. Find a busy place, stand there, and pick away!
Serve those plastic eggs you can buy instead of real eggs
Nothing says “I have a sense of humour” better than a plastic fried egg!
Try and get away with serving one to someone who wanted an actual egg, but instead will get a plastic egg. For extra laughs force them violently to eat it!
And, no, we’re not referring to Russian dolls with this—matryoshka, as they’re known.
Frighten someone by yodeling
Yodeling’s great. Sort of. You wouldn’t want to spend an extended amount of time around someone who yodels, but it is pleasant in short spells.
Again, head into a crowded area and practice your routine. The best thing I can think of is to go up behind some unsuspecting old age pensioners and begin a pealing great yodel to terrify them to their very core! Immense!
Pretend to be a chav
What better way to make a complete and utter idiot of yourself than pretending to be a chav! You need to perfect the facial expression here—a mixture of deep confusion, stupidity, delusion and general but unexplained belligerence.
Then stalk around town, hang around shop entrances, McDonald’s, and generally loaf about being a complete prat.
It makes you pine for a McDonald’s on Mount Everest, really. At least there’s solitude there.
Put your friend’s e-mail addresses into weird subscriptions
Such as cheese.com or, if you wanted to be REALLY naughty, sign them up to follow Professional Moron’s blog!
Sellotape people’s stuff to things
Nothing says “I’m mad, me!” than sellotaping people’s items to other stuff. It’s highly irritating and brilliant all in one, so get to it!
Relive your youthful hours of boredom by playing this outlandish and superb dare game. It’s the hallmark of the intellectual.