“The name’s Beethoven. Ludwig van Beethoven. And don’t you forget it!”

Beethoven gives it some welly!

In just over a week Mr. Wapojif (that’s me) will be attending his first Beethoven concert. It also happens to be his best – the 9th Symphony. And, boy, is he (that’s me) excited. I am so excited I actually consider myself to be in direct contact with Ludwig van Beethoven. When one listens to his music (seriously blast it into you skull with fantastic earphones) then you really do understand what genius is about. It’s as if YOU are a genius all of a sudden. And here at Professional Moron we most certainly are not geniuses. We’re total morons.

Now, unfortunately, Beethoven’s still dead. He has been since 1827. The general perception of the man is that he was deaf and very moody, but look beneath the myths and you find a popular man who had close friends throughout his productive life. He’s still enormously popular and hugely respected; most would say his symphonies are the best the world has ever seen. Even though our very own Mr. Truman Trumanson would argue Amadeus Mozart’s efforts were superior (and Mr. Wapojif, that’s me, would agree) there’s no denying Beethoven’s staggering genius.

Gary Oldman “as” Beethoven. He won no Oscars for his performance.

There have been some spin-offs from his name, and several films. Most notably, perhaps, was the Gary Oldman flick Immortal Beloved from 1994. Now Mr. Oldman’s pretty much played everyone ever; Sid Vicious, Bert Bacharack (possibly, I might have dreamt that), Engelbert Humperdinck, Bob Geldof, himself, The Queen, Nancy Sinatra, The Elephant Man, Justin Beiber, Jedward, Steven Seagul, Atilla the Hun, Genghia Khan, Kublai Khan, Marco Polo, Ferdinand Magellan, Napoleon Bonaparte, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Barbara Streisand, John Lennon, Keith Moon, Jimi Hendrix, Richard Dawkins, Tom Cruise, Jeff Bridges, and George W. Bush to name but a few. Beethoven has to be one of his least known roles, yet he’s playing a man virtually everyone has heard of. Even moronic divs who listen to dance, rap or r’n’b have heard of Beethoven. This is the man’s brilliance shining through. He can actually get into people’s stupids heads; morons who listen to Justin Beiber or Jedward. Few other musicians have such an impact.

Beethoven the dog being very naughty.

And then, of course, there was 1992’s Beethoven about a chaotic dog. The film also starred Mulder from the X-Files, presumably before he got the gig at the FBI. Needless to say the film’s absolutely awful, man, but it is a kid’s movie we guess. Best not watch it, though. Instead listen to Beethoven’s 8th, or 7th, or 9th. Type “Beethoven’s 8th 3rd Movement” into YouTube and watch piano ace Murray Perahia thrash out the piece at lightning speed. Most thrilling stuff, guy. Most thrilling stuff indeed.

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