What would it be like to have a Great White Shark as a pet?

“We bought him for our son’s tenth birthday and he has named him ‘Fluffy’.”

We accidentally thought of this before on a blog comment, and, presto-hey, we have tonight’s blog post! Now we also read today that blog posts should be more CONCISE to draw readers in. Turn everything into an existential, 700 word rant and the internet generation will switch off and go on the hunt for their latest Facebook comment. Such is their stupidity! We jest. However, we’re serious about this shark stuff. So, read on good sir/madame!

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So the premise here is simple. What would it like to have a great white shark as a pet? Now firstly we’re talking about one big tank they’d need as they’re fairly large. Very little is also known about them even now in the age of the Global Positioning System (“Didn’t see that Great White Shark on my Sat Nav, darling! ARRRGghhhhhh!!!”) we can’t exactly track them across the colossal vastness of the oceans. So what we do know is this:

  1. They’re extremely effing scary,
  2. They unite the world through their scariness; whatever colour, creed, culture, religion – if you see a Great White Shark swimming towards you you’re not a happy bunny,
  3. They’re huge beasts that can grow to 20ft,
  4. They are branded as mindless killing machines and, frankly, they don’t do much to disprove this stereotype,
  5. They are, however, very enigmatic and beautiful creatures and Professional Moron fully supports their conservation rights.

So what would it be like to have one as a pet? We should imagine a relentless lifetime of horror and dread. The shark would probably be pretty annoyed for being maintained in captivity, too. So, heed our warning! Don’t have one as a pet! Indeed.

3 comments

  1. If I had a great white shark I would ride it to your house and we would invite you to join our street gang! Then we’d go egg someone’s house because what are they going to do? We’re riding a big ol’ SHARK for godssake.

    • T’would be most welcome, madame, to have a massive great big shark pull up outside my building thing. And to join your gang… I’d feel like a Princess! I would feel so honoured I would perform a cursory faint in order to appease the Fainting Gods.

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