Having spent our lives on public transport the Professional Moron staff have perfected the “1000 Yard Stare” of anyone who has gotten used to daily travels of 3 hours+ can testify to. This Indifferent Gaze is at its worst in London where you can be crammed in a packed tube at rush hour and everyone manages to be looking like they’ve been paused. Of course in other areas of England you’re not deep underground so public transport users are free to use their mobile phones. So this has, in some ways, eclipsed the Indifferent Gaze. We at Professional Moron still practice it with gusto and have turned it into an artform. Which is quite a skill when you think about it!
Of course it’s important to remember to “turn” this off when you head back out into normal society. It has been alleged by Dr. Berserk Brain of Skegness University that one can; “Become thoroughly locked into the Indifferent Gaze state if you practice it for too long. Like anything it is an addiction. Eat too many tinned sardines and you’ll only ever eat sardines from a tin. It’s the same with the Indifferent Gaze. Remember to smile. Bork bork bork!!!”
Sufferers of the “locked in” Indifferent Gaze Syndrome include The Queen (who hasn’t shown any noticeable emotion since 1973, not even when that bloke pretended to assasinate her in 1980), cats, and BBC News Readers. So, remember peeps, adhere to the rigid conformity of public transport etiquette BUT don’t forget to crack a smile at your peers. Unless you’re a cat. Then just carry on as normal.