Having spent our lives on public transport the Professional Moron staff have perfected the “1000 Yard Stare” (shell shock) of anyone who has gotten used to daily travels of three hours can testify to.

This indifferent gaze is at its worst in London where you can be crammed in a packed tube at rush hour and everyone manages to be looking like they’ve been paused. Let’s examine this strange thing.

The Art of Looking Indifferent in Public

Of course in other areas of England you’re not deep underground so public transport users are free to use their mobile phones.

Also, remember, eating on public transport is annoying. Don’t do it. Ever. Not even if you’re really hungry!

So this has, in some ways, eclipsed the Indifferent Gaze. We at Professional Moron still practice it with gusto and have turned it into an artform. Which is quite a skill when you think about it!

But it’s important to remember to “turn” this off when you head back out into normal society.

It has been alleged by Dr. Berserk Brain of Skegness University that one can, “Become thoroughly locked into the Indifferent Gaze state if you practice it for too long. Like anything it is an addiction.

Eat too many tinned sardines (or sardine ice cream) and you’ll only ever eat sardines from a tin. It’s the same with the Indifferent Gaze. Remember to smile!”

Sufferers of the “locked in” indifferent gaze syndrome include The Queen (who hasn’t shown any noticeable emotion since 1973, not even when that bloke pretended to assassinate her in 1980), cats, and BBC News Readers.

So, remember peeps, adhere to the rigid conformity of public transport etiquette.

But, don’t forget to crack a smile at your peers. Unless you’re a cat. Then just carry on as normal. As you’re too cool for any of that silly jazz.