I Am a Moo Cow

A moo cow
A friendly moo cow!

Cows have a rough time of it. They’re hugely popular to eat, they’re hugely popular to farm for their dairy products, their name is used as a derogatory word by humans, they’re a bit stupid, and they’re cumbersome.

Despite this they’re also clairvoyant as they can predict when it’s going to rain. The urban legend is they lie down. Er… hang on, maybe they just get a bit tired from walking around all day every day? We like cows, though. They’re placid and docile creatures (most of the time) and they make an amusing noise.

This, through the magic of onomatopoeia, is popularly known as “moo”. However, it’s not really “MOOOoooOOOO!” at all, it’s more a sort of “uuuuuNNNNNNNNHHhhhh!” But that doesn’t look as cute on pictures and stuff.

Neither does the knowledge that thousands of cows get slaughtered with pressurised air guns every day just so fat bastards can eat at McDonalds. But, hey ho, we all need to be fed.

Thinking of onomatopoeia a bit more; dogs go “woof” or “bark”, cats “meow”, sheep go “baaaaa!” and giraffes go… well, we don’t know. They probably make some sort of noise. We should imagine it’s a kind of “NNNEeeiighhhhhhh!” much like a horse.

So why are we discussing this? As it’s xenophobic and hegemonic not to get it right. So, remember on this day in history, that animals have their language, too. Get it wrong at your peril!

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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