We all know the story; we grow up believing tomatoes to be a vegetable and then, out of the pink, some insane maniac enters your life and informs you these vibrant things are, shock horror, part of the Fruit Family! Many a merry childhood memory has been destroyed by this most perturbing of revelations. And, yet, the sad truth is the tomato is a fruit.

Here at Professional Moron we don’t really pay much attention to reality or logic and, as a consequence, we would like to state, very firmly, the humble tomato is indeed a vegetable. Over countless centuries it has enlivened many a dreary salad with its vibrant (yes, we used the same adjective again, so what?) colour. They have impacted on the world to such an extent they have influenced remarkable arenas; you see those red Ferrari cars driving about? The colour was chosen after an engineer working for Enzo Ferrari dropped a can of tomato puree onto a yellow Ferrari (for they were initially yellow) and, presto hey, Enzo liked the new colour! Sadly the tin struck the car such a blow there was a massive dent, and the mechanic was fired, sued, and jailed for all eternity (please note, most of this may not be true). So the next thyme you take a gander at a tomato you had better remember this one incredible fact; “The tomato is a vegetable. Only people with facts, evidence, and logic describe them as fruit.” Good day, good sir/madam!