The 2013 Oscar Nominations Are In!

Celeste Holm accepts her Oscar in 1947; “I’d like to thank bubble gum and cement fixtures.”

It’s time for Hollywood to get all high and mighty and pretend it’s better than everyone else with the Oscars season. We’re not really ones for betting, but you can BET your right nostril Stevie Spielberg’s (who?) Lincoln will wrap up pretty much everything. And why? As it’s Steven Spielberg. You know, the bloke who could film a donkey braying manically for five hours and it would be classed as a sweeping epic. “Are you cynical of the Oscars ceremony, Professional Moron?”, er, maybe.

Mr. Wapojif has noted the following; whenever he does pay any attention to the Academy Awards it always seems to be some special occasion, like the 50th anniversary, or the 65th Academy Awards. It seems fixed to be this way in our opinion; does anyone really pay any attention to which year it really is? To back up our point note this one is the 85th. Even more weirdly, the origins of the whole “Oscar” name thing is debated. No one really knows why it’s called an Oscar – it might as well be called a Jeffrey or a Barbara. Still, it’s a tradition now, and no one changes tradition. Not even Genghis Khan.

So, THE BIG ONE is the Best Picture mijigger, and here are the nominations for this award in full:

Amour, Argo, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Django Unchained, Life of Pi, Lincoln, Les Miserables, Silver Linings Playbook, and Zero Dark Thirty.

Interesting? Yeah, probably, although most of these films haven’t even been seen by the rest of the world! Zero Dark Thirty, Django Unchained, Les Miserables, and Lincoln aren’t even in cinemas in England yet. What the hell are you playing at, Hollywood? Honestly! Anyway, to find out our theories on the whole Oscar name debacle head on further into our post, comrade!

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Why are they called Oscars?

Shiny!
Shiny!

Theory #1 – Perhaps Oscar Wilde, in a fit of prescience, sent a letter into the future requesting the whole shindig be named after him. Well, stranger things have happened, eh? Look at the Roman Emperor Caligula – he made his horse into a senator.

Theory #2 – Oscar the Grouch, from Sesame Street, demanded to have the entire Academy Award ceremony named after him, or he would set fire to his bin in protest. The Academy Awards relented and, as a consequence, we must live with the ambiguous name of “Oscars” (as Oscar the Grouch wasn’t too smart, he wasn’t aware it should read as “Oscar’s”… this is why you need to study hard at school, kids!).

Theory #3 – Orson Welles, wanting the awards to be named after him (but dreading the accusations of arrogance) decided Oscar sounded a bit like his name and would suffice in satisfying his ego.

Theory #4 – The Academy Awards feared the name Oscar had been somewhat prejudiced throughout history and so decided to give it this name, despite opposition from the vegetarian movement prevalent in America at the time. They had wanted to name the ceremony Cabbage Soup, but, sadly, they were denied this privilege.

Theory #5 – Whoever decided to name the thing the an additional “Oscars” tag was either; a bit weird, a bit senile, drunk, insane, and/or hallucinating so, therefore, under the belief the Academy Awards hadn’t already been named.

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