What If We Had Our Pet Hamster’s Brain?

Beans in action.

We had a think about the title for today’s post and that’s the best we could come up with. Basically, how would we behave , as humans, if we had office pet Beans the Chinese Dwarf Hamster’s personality traits. We’ve been watching her behaviour a lot recently and have discovered a number of eccentricities, quirks, logical, nonsensical, and wild activity on her part. Indeed, despite being a hamster she seems to have some of the traits you’d associate with squirrels, as well as the selfish, self-preening streak of cats, whilst still maintaining her hamster nature. She is an intriguing wee beast, no doubt. And, as she approaches her 1st birthday, expect a few posts honouring her awesomeness.

We got Mr. Wapojif busy with this notion. He got to thinking, “If I was a human being doing her daily habits, how exactly would I go about my life?” The answer is displayed in the following few ideas. Brace yourself, readers, for this is a lengthy trip into the dark recesses into the mind of Beans. Hold onto your butts.


Reversed Life

Yeah, shut your face!
Yeah, shut your face!

For a start we’d become nocturnal. Bye bye normal hours, hello getting up at 7pm and being up until around 9am. During the night hours we’ll have a complete disregard for the concept of being quiet for other people, and we’ll generally clatter about the place in a mad frenzy.

Strategic Bed Arrangements

Don't mess it up!
Don’t mess it up!

Instead of just getting on and sleeping in our bed, we’d first rummage around on under the duvet and thrash about the place causing the entire thing to shake around wildly. We’d also keep a lot of our food in there for no real reason other than ease of reach. Then, after a day or two, and for no reason, we’d drag the duvet over to the other side of the room and sleep on the floor. Well, why not?

The Wheel of Fun

A squirrel having fun.
A squirrel having fun.

We’d go out and buy a giant, human sized wheel to run around. Upon waking from bed (wherever the thing is) we’d begin our shift on the wheel. The day would consist of running wildly on the wheel and then stopping after about 20 seconds to stare around the place, or to run excitedly around the room for no reason. Occasionally we’ll also stop and let the momentum of the wheel carry us around at dizzying speed. At some point during the night shift we’d have a temper tantrum and flip the wheel onto its side in a show of defiance.


The 1972 Olympic sign for Gymnastics. Either that or it's someone fslipping and falling over.
The 1972 Olympic sign for Gymnastics. Either that or it’s someone fslipping and falling over.

We’d have to hit the gym big time and install grips to our walls for this one. Beans has a habit of shimmying up her cage wall and then shimmying herself further still across the roof to the other side of the cage, before sliding herself down onto the raised platform (usually slap bang on top of her food). So, Mr. Wapojif would have to scale his wall and then drag himself across his roof on all fours before dropping down onto the other side of the room. Sounds great!

Hiding Our Food

Well... I.... never!
Well… I…. never!

We’d take to stuffing our cheeks with too much food, running around our flat, and then hiding the food under something for later use. However, on our nightly rampages about the place it’s likely we’ll scatter most of this all over the place


  1. When your bed can be anywhere, and you like to have food handy in the bed, I guess gathering it up and hiding it around the place is really quite sensible. That way, wherever you lay your duvet, there’s bound to be food handy. I think I could adapt to this notion quite readily!


    • Indeed, Imelda, the more we think about this food storage concept the more appealing it seems to be. Beans clearly has the best of all worlds; her beloved pumpkin seeds and her comfy bed. I think you’ve cracked the mystery of her bed shifting ways; she could well be moving it over her hidden food stash. I shall set up a 24/7 CCTV security system around her cage to moniter this potential development! *mumble* Seriously can’t believe I didn’t think of that before… *mumble*


Dispense with some gibberish!

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