The Mongoose of Wall Street

OMG… don’t move. It can’t see you unless you move!!!

Right, so Leonardo Da Vinci’s latest film, The Wolf of Wall Street, apparently sets the record for the most F bombs dropped in a film ever. It’s actually bettered by a documentary which is actually called “F” bomb, so it figures it’d be more in use there. In terms of a Hollywood film, though, there are lots of swears. This is why we presume Martin ScoreSoze, the film’s director, chose Wolf from the Animal Kingdom to represent his film. We all know wolves are the Great White Sharks of land monsters; mindless human eating machines, right? Well, duh, they do need to survive, you know? They’re not going to just sit around starving to death out of good grace – a self-aware realisation they are mass murdering machines on legs. Besides which wolves are beautiful creatures, they’re just territorial, so shut your face!

Yeah, so we feel the humble wolf has received a bad deal with this latest Hollywood film thing. This is why we think the title should be changed to The Mongoose of Wall Street. Think about it; when do you ever see news stories about mongeese? Never. Now, for a start, you may be wondering what a mongoose is. The picture helps, but on a zoological level, they’re a mixture of geese and Mon (which is short for Monsters). So they’re a lot more terrifying than you realise. And, yes, that’s it. This is the end of today’s post. We’ve been busy. This was just a hypothesis on a three hour film which is out at the moment. With regard to The Wolf of Wall Street, we still have to see the latest Hobbit, which is itself three hours long… now we can only watch films at the weekend, and these sodding epics are getting annoying. Plus there’s 12 Years a Slave to see, which is over two hours. You know, this is such a severe First World Problem Mr. Wapojif is going to stand in a corner and berate himself for an hour about the complexities of capitalism and cultural effervescence. Good evening, all.

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