In Contempt Of Drinking Orange Juice After You’ve Brushed Your Teeth

The dreaded Orange Juice. Don’t like at the whites of its eyes!

We’re sick of being cheerful and silly on this blog, so today we’re going to have a rant in our Contempt Off… section. What do we hate? Well you’ve seen the blog post title. Ever since Mr. Wapojif was a young boy, he’s been quite stunned by what happens to glovely wuvverly orange juice after you’ve brushed your teeth. Normally OJ is a delightful drink which slakes one’s thirst in the most profound manner imaginable. Brush your teeth beforehand with plaque murdering minty fresh toothpaste, though, and something very, very odd happens. Indeed, we can only describe the post-tooth scrubbing orange juice consumption as borderline stomach emptyingly bad. Okay, perhaps an exaggeration, but it certainly does make one stop, look at the OJ glass in disgust, and announce very loudly, “What in the name of inadequate ice cream portions in restaurants?!” Yes, the very horror of being done over by some stingy chef with his ice cream. Which is probably store bought, too, he’s not even bothered to make it himself. The lazy oaf. Plus, he’s not even had a shave and his stupid stubble is hanging off his stupid face making him look stupid and unpresentable to customers. Git.

Anyway, we got a bit sidetrack. We did read recently of the scientific analyses of what goes on in this great OJ/Toothpaste tragedy, but we can’t be bothered remembering what the research found. We do remember an episode of the Earthworm Jim cartoon where Jim commented about his hatred of drinking OJ after teeth brushing. So if the mighty Earthworm Jim can’t hack it, mere mortals such as the Professional Moron staff have no chance! Consequently, we can only regale you with our disgust, rather than be informative. You’re reading this for free so it’s not like it matters. Still, if there’s one thing we’ve learnt from this over the years, it’s mint and orange can never, EVER be in the same room together. Like some bickering divorced couple who have to, through seething gritted teeth, see each other once every 6 months for some weird legal rule, Mr. Orange and Mrs. Mint are incompatible. It’s a mystery which will never be solved, and all we can do, dear readers, is urge you to keep away from the two. Keep away!

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