We’re literary buffs here at Professional Moron, but this doesn’t mean we’re stuffy sorts who can’t laugh at the brilliance of classic novels reduced to stupidity.

As a consequence, we decided to think of some great novels, and reduce them to silliness by inserting “cheese” somewhere in the title.

Books and Cheese: The Very Worst Famous Novels With a Dairy Twist

The result makes for intriguing reading. Imagine if one of these authors had hit their head, or something, and then decided their great work of literature just couldn’t be brilliant… without the insertion of “cheese” into the name of the book.

It would have changed the course of history. For instance, imagine if Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels had called their polemical text The Cheese Manifesto.

Communism would have been a little bit different, huh? There would have been a lot more cheese about the place, that’s for damn sure as mustard. Anyway, you get the idea. Unless you’re a bit stupid. If you are, don’t fear, you’ll pick it up as you go along.

So, without further a moo, here are great works of literature… ruined by Professional Moron. Are we philistines? Yes, I think we probably are. Huzzah!

Cheese and Punishment

Mrs. Dallowcheese

The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Cheese

In Cold Cheese

The Age of Cheese

The Ballad of the Sad Cheese

The Man in the Cheese Castle / Do Androids Dream of Electric Cheese?

Cheese and the Penguin

The Worst Cheese in the World

The Call of the Cheese

The Old Man and the Cheese / For Whom The Cheese Tolls

Cheese and Prejudice

The Lord of the Cheeses

To Kill a Mockingcheese

Cheese of the D’Urbervilles

The Complete Cheese of Shakespeare

War and Cheese

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Cheese

Grapes of Cheese / Of Mice and Cheese

The Cheese in the Willows

The Lion, The Witch, and The Cheese

Captain Corelli’s Cheese

One Hundred Years of Cheese / Cheese in the Time of Cholera

Far From the Madding Cheese

Brave New Cheese

The Curious Incident of the Cheese In The Night Time

The Cheese of Monte Cristo

The Remains of the Cheese

Charlie and the Cheese Factory

My Family and Other Cheeses

Jaw(cheese)s

Down and Cheese in Paris and London / Animal (Cheese) Farm

A Little History of the Cheese

The Curious Cheese of Benjamin Button / The Great Cheeseby

A Portrait of the Cheese as a Young Man

Heart Of Cheeseness

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Cheese

David Coppercheese

Alice’s Adventures In Cheese

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Cheese

The Cheese of Dorian Gray

In Search of Lost Cheese

Journey to the End of the Cheese

The Cheese of Miss Jean Brodie

Tinker Tailor Soldier Cheese

And finally…

Cheese

All cheesed out? Good! Head to our About section to lodge a complaint about this lunacy!