Exclusive Invention: The Broat!

Inspired genius of rampant insanity?
Artist’s impression of the Broat. Inspired genius or unhinged madness?

Last time in our inventions column we brought to you the Faxe. Much like a spork, but with an axe and fork welded together. It revolutionised the lumberjack community, and our latest invention is set to ignite the maritime world. The Broat is a staggering achievement of intellectual thought – a merger of genius with a crass disregard for the laws of physics and general sanity. The premise is this: bridges are evil necessities the world over. They’re attractive things, but they are inherently evil. Why? Just look at them! Stretching out into the distance making you wonder if they even give a damn. They make our blood boil! Anyway, boats are also an evil necessity. However, no one has ever been insane enough to weld the two together… until now! Ladies and gentlemen, we give to you The Broat! Part bridge, part boat!

Right, so you’ve already seen the somewhat amateurish artist’s impression. Do take into consideration the overall scale of the project. Bridges tend to be on the large side of things, so we had to think long and hard about how gargantuan the boat was going to have to be in order to support the gargantuan weight of a massive bridge. We figured the boat would have to be roughly the size of 1,000 Titanics, which we think is a reasonable task in this day and age. The idea is to weld the bridge onto the boat to create a Super Structure, an unholy-ly enormous contraption the likes of which no human has ever set eyes on. It will be so enormous it will require a staff of 100,000 to operate. However, never again will there be a gap of land in need of a bridge. The Broat will be there to swim to the rescue, positioning its Broatiness into voids where no void has previously had a bridge. We await out Nobel Prize.

Dispense with some gibberish!

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