In Contempt Of Pineapple and Ham Pizza

Ham and pineapple pizza
Curse this hideous invention!

 

Some sick SOB invented this thing. The Hawaiian Pizza consists of a standard dough pizza base (nice, although a wholemeal one is tastier), cheese (awesome!), ham (passable), tomato (hell yeah!), and pineapple. Pineapple. Pine-apple.

We’d like to state right here and now this isn’t pineapple’s fault. Pineapple is a wonderful fruit – a marvellous thing with unholy delights within its shell casing thing. What you don’t do, like some demented halfwit evil chef, is add it to pizza. So who is to blame for this atrocity? Let’s take a look!

Ham and Pineapple Pizza

Who in their right mind thought it could be a good combination? It absolutely isn’t. It’s a foul concoction of badly judged ingredients – it tastes bad, and only a bizarre palate could enjoy this. One restricted to Pot Noodles and fast food (yes, we’re being snobbish and having a go). It’s effectively half a main course, half a dessert: a fruit salad trapped within the melted cheese confines of an experimental pizza gone mortifyingly wrong.

The oddness continues, as it wasn’t made in Hawaii. A brief bit of research for this piece found numerous sources pointing a shaky finger accusingly at Ontario, Canada. Sam Panopoulos physically came forward to the press to demand credit for the creation of this disaster in 1962. Was he mad!?

We love pizza, although restrict its intake (so as not to become morbidly obese), and we’ve stated before we’re not fussy eaters. Frog’s legs, snails, sashimi – totally love it. We’d even happily try Fugu (pufferfish), which has to be prepared carefully so as not to provide a lethal dose of poison.

Chefs go through rigorous training to qualify for a license in Japan, and restaurants preparing it are strictly monitored by the government. Bring it on! However, a pizza with pineapple? Get stuffed, you reprobates!

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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