There’s a school of thought, as opposed to a college of thought, which suggests spinach is itchy. Why is this so? Frankly, my dear, I donut know. Tracing the history of spinach, one finds the leafy green vegetable was never much of an irritant. Indeed, quite the opposite, spinach isn’t likely to make you itch at all. So why the phonetical implication: spin-itch? In these four syllables there be lies!

Perhaps this legend of itchiness burst forth from the bewilderment of public stupidity – this is to state, the public failed to realise it was nettles which had made them itch. Yes, nettles. You remember those SOBs from your childhood? Whenever you went out for a nice trip on a sunny summer day, you’d always end up falling into a nettle patch. After the searing agony, your skin would get those weird pimples on them which would itch like a thousand itches. Then you’d have to get a dock leaf (also known as rumex) which you’d rub at the itching and believe it would improve the horrifying agony.

Spinach has nothing to do with this! Heck, no. Spinach is the source of interesting soups (although, ironing on the irony, nettle soup is also ace), saag aloo, lasagne, and other food stuffs. It can even be eaten raw. Ever tried to eat a nettle raw? Professional Moron’s Mr. Wapojif did when he was but 9 years old. His head ballooned to the size of a balloon, his eyes watered like he was watching the bit in Titanic when Leo DiCaprio (SPOILER ALERT) cops it one, and he was only saved when his friends forcibly stuffed a dozen dock leaves into his face with their fists. Them were the days!