Are Nettles Related To Kettles?

A highly impressive looking Nettle!

Look at those two right there. Look at them! Two words with an almighty similarity, other than their opening letters, whom must most surely be related in the grand scheme of things. What we’re implying is this: Here at Professional Moron we believe Nettles and Kettles are of the same species. This is to state – they are blood brothers. Or sisters. Or whatever.

The proof is in the spelling. Here are the facts for you to infuse into your feeble brains:

  1. Both, after the opening letter, end with “ettles”.
  2. Kettles can be used to boil water, which in turn can be used to brew nettle tea.
  3. Many kettle making factories have nettle patches in the local vicinity (probably).
  4. You never see news headlines such as, “Nettles and Kettles scientifically proven to NOT be related”.
  5. There’s a growing movement amongst prescient individuals (us) whom know the truth will one day reach, like a fruit salad being finished perfectly with whipped cream, fruition.

On the face of things you wouldn’t really expect the two to be related. Indeed, were it to be true, t’would be like discovering Brain Blessed is Brad Pitt’s mother (this being another blog post for another day), The Queen is Tony Blair’s sister, or Bill Gates and Richard Branson are married. Despite such outlandish possible non-truths, Professional Moron will plough confidently ahead with our ridiculous assertion Kettles and Nettles have a kindred sibling rivalry. We believe it has forced the pair apart. Now, after decades as erstwhile brudders/sisters, it’s time for them to break free from their emotional shackles and embrace family. After all, if Frasier and Niles Crane can make up after so many bitter arguments, then so can a metal boiling machine and a highly annoying green itchy plant!

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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