Prawns are great as they’re these dudes who protect your more important pieces on the chess board.

Sure, prawns can only move one space at a time but, what ho, if one of them “goes all the way” (Bottom episode Culture reference) they turn into a Queen.

Not that chess is a perverted game for depraved lunatics, mind. Quite the opposite! Many great intellects have played chess, such as Frasier Crane in the episode from Frasier everyone’s forgotten as it wasn’t one of the best ones.

Solving the Many Mysteries of Pawns vs Prawns

Pawn is, single-handedly, the most confusing word in the English language. Why is this so? Other than it’s attribution with chess, it can be attributed to loads of other stuff too! Behold:

• The chess piece.
• The term for a pledge in jurisdictions.
• Pawnshops.
• The programming language.
• Pawn River (in Burma).
• The Pawn (a 1980s text adventure – no, not text message you goddamn whippersnapper readers!).
• PAWN (an online flash game).
• PAWN (International Civil Aviation Organization code).
• And, finally, Pawn – a 2013 film.

Many humans have been befuddled by prawns and pawns. Not least chess geniuses. As these sorts tend to be socially awkward morons, many collapse in a seizure upon sight of a tray of prawns. Their brains simply go into pawn overload – this reaction is known as gangrene.

In some countries, prawns is an edible delicacy what comes from the sea.

Once caught, the prawns are heated at really hot temperatures until they turn a sort of pink colour (it turns out they’re embarrassed at their deliciousness). Morbidly obese people then stuff them into their faces, gorging on the tastes of the sea.

But What About Chess?

Chess was invented in Barbados (circa 1252) by seafood-loving locals. They named pawns after prawns to confuse the crap out of the rest of the world.

Pawns, whilst similar to prawns in no ways at all, are unlike prawns. This hasn’t stopped millennia of confusion, but thankfully we’ve cleared it up today.

To finish things up, here’s a sea-based joke to cheer you all up:

• Q: What did Alexander The Great say to The Great White Shark and Tony The Tiger (from the Frosties adverts)?
• A: “You’re not as great as me!”

You had to be there for it to be funny. Seriously, it was hilarious if you were there. Until the tiger mauled you, that is, then it was no longer funny.