Exclusive Invention: The SOCKet (a socket made out of socks)

Soon to be replaced by socks!

Socks are only really useful for keeping your feet warm, as our recent sockiology survey revealed. Until now! Yes, we’ve introduced the SOCKet to the socket-based market, which is your average socket. It’s just made out of socks. Spare socks, to be precise. This brilliant invention will save millions of obsolete socks’ lives – the ones that are old, are a bit ripped, or that stink too bad. Yes, they’ve fond a new career!

Using state of the art sock technology (socktology), the socks are merged with all the electrical gubbins you moronic laypeople don’t understand. The socket is then ready to go – it takes any type of plug, even those weird French ones that have two sticky out prongs instead of the three pronged ones. Bet that’s a relief for you two pronged plug people, yeah?


The SOCKet does exactly what it’s stitched together to do – be a socket. It’s fluffy and nice to the touch, unlike traditional, abrasive, dangerous sockets that can stub a toenail if you catch your foot on it. Additionally, it’s got nice sock colours all over it, so you can get all sorts of sock designs to liven up your home!

Naturally, as this is a beta model not officially sanctioned by any legal or consumer rights departments, there are certain “danger” factors to consider before paying us £50 for a box of SOCKets. Indeed, we ran a few early tests and noted the electricity had a habit of the SOCKet bursting into flames. We doused this with a fire extinguisher and no harm was done.

The main problem was the heat from the socket reacts with all the foot odour particles within the old sock – this kicks up a fearsome stench. After about an hour of use, we found our test subject (the Professional Moron apprentice – he sat in our man cave testing it out) began heaving uncontrollably and made a break for the exit. Of course, we’d blocked the door so he couldn’t get out. Ultimately, he had to smash through a window with his bare fists! It was hilarious. He’s threatened to quit and sue us again. Whatever.


Aware the putrid stink of foot odour could be a deal breaker for many bigoted consumers, we’ve done our best to cancel that out with the SOCKet 2.0. With a mixture of relentlessly spraying deodorant, and dripping on herbal oil extracts, to old socks, this pretty much manages to mask the vile smell of disgusting man feet.

Unfortunately, this simply upped the flammability factor of the SOCKets again. We test ran the scented product and a moderate-sized explosion sent a ball of flames blasting into the central office of Professional Moron HQ. This caused considerable consternation. It does mean the SOCKet 2.0 is a disastrous failure, of course, but it did give us another idea.

Ultimately, we’ve settled on making the sockE.T. – this is a socket made out of old bits of E.T. dolls from popular Steven Spielberg film E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. They’ve been lying about doing nothing, so now they help make us rich, get rid of your old Hollywood marketing paraphernalia, and ensure we don’t destroy thousands of lives by inadvertently burning peoples’ homes to the ground. Everybody wins!


  1. I’m glad that the SOCKet idea fell flat.
    I mean, it was green, so I’m happy ’bout that.
    But somehow I knew that you people in behind
    The SOCKet – you glorious wonderful minds –

    I knew you were somehow quite slyly involved
    In taking out socks as my dryer revolved
    There’s no other reason for vanishing ones
    Than SOCKet Co people who want profit (tonnes).


    • Be wary – we run a black market sock operation that would make most mere humans pale in horror. It’s a terrifying and fluffy underworld of seediness. But, the result is a trillion pound industry. Bwahahaha!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have an honours degree in “Knit Design and Technology”. I’ve also worked with fire retardants in the film industry. I should have been consulted! $700.00/day plus fringes. Overtime on weekends.


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