The Great Noodle Massacre: Nestlé To Annihilate 400 Million Packs Of Instant Noodles!

Instant Noodles
Oodles of noodles!

Bloody hell, talk about a great tragedy of noodle-based proportions. As the media has been reporting, Nestlé (usually associated with chocolate type stuff) is going to destroy $50 million worth of Maggi noodles. Why? They’ve been banned in India by food regulators.

400 million packs of instant noodles are set to be incinerated after it became apparent they contained a bit too much lead (the stuff in pencils) for everyone’s liking. Now whilst we like lead in pencils, we don’t make much of a habit of eating it due to its ability to end your life. More importantly, we prefer noodles minus a lead aftertaste. You snow?

Now this is a true story we haven’t confabulated (see here – it’s the BBC!), and it marks a sad moment for noodlekind. Whilst Nestlé (whose name, when spelled as Nestle, makes you think of squirrels nesting into stuff… daaawwwww) are crazed psychopath noodle murderers, we understand the need to put human safety before noodlekind.

It raises many issues for the company, though, such as hunting down all 400 million packets, transporting them somewhere to be incinerated, using an incinerator (very tricky, we hear), and explaining to the press what the bloody hell went wrong.

The Wall Street Journal got together some totes amazeballs stats on the noodly disasrer: altogether the 400 million make up some 27,000 tonnes of noodles with a combined calorie content of 98.47 billion. Lol. And there were us worrying about crisps yesterday!

Anyway, whilst you reel in horror at this news, remember how 2015 will go down in history as The Great Noodle Massacre. We stand in solidarity in support of instant noodles. Easy to cook, and even easier to eat, they are a tribute to modern humanity and its capacity for slobbery.

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