Exclusive Recipe: Deep Fried Mars Bar Pizza!

Pizza making
Hopelessly out of date, this method. Where the hell is the deep fat fryer?

Deep fried mars bars have been in the news a lot recently. A popular Scottish dish which has been, somewhat correctly, criticised for being a touch unhealthy. Balls to healthiness, we say! Indeed, we’ve taken things a step further and brought in the pizza to create a hellish nightmare of saturated fat, calories, and illness.

Yes, the Deep Fried Mars Bar Pizza is a truly glorious invention. It requires a dozen deep fried mars bars, and a pizza (homemade or store bought). The mars bars are placed (attach them on with full fat melted cheese and more caramel) onto the top of the pizza, and then get your deep fat fryer ready again: damn right, you’re deep fat frying the mother!

We estimated the calorie count of this abomination would be around the 6,000 mark per slice, especially when dollops of deep fried ice cream and deep fried butter and double deep fried and attached to the pizza with deep fried melted cheese and glue.

Whilst all this deep frying madness may seem superfluous, do bear in mind deep frying stuff is all the rage these days. Nothing is outside of the accepted limits, which is why we’ve invented this glorious monstrosity.

Do also bear in mind there is some nutrition in a Deep Fried Mars Bar Pizza. Indeed, the calories keep you from getting hungry. Furthermore indeed, the thing will make you so nauseous you’ll likely hurl it back up at some point. So what’s the bother? Get it ate!

Finally, if it really must be healthier (if you’re on a diet or some crap like that), deep fat fry some vegetables and sprinkle them liberally on top of your deep fried dinner. It’s the future of glorious badness!

3 comments

  1. I suppose the deep-fry craze has come about because the latest science seems to suggest that fat’s not actually all bad for people after all. 🙂 I’ve heard of deep fried ice-cream, must be quite a knack to getting it fried without melting. Kind of like a Baked Alaska, only wa-a-a-a-ay faster… (OK. Deep fry…three, two, one…out!).

    • Yeah, I thought about mentioning that but it would have ruined my fun with the supposed unhealthiness.

      The deep fried ice cream one sounds interesting. I heard of deep fried coca cola, too. Not sure how it doesn’t melt, maybe it’s just a quick in and out. Deep fried butter is a personal favourite, though.

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