Gazuntite! The Remarkable World of Polite Sneeze Responses

Germs
It is believed germs tickle your nose’s funny bone and cause spittle expulsions (sneezes). The more violent the germ, the worse the sneeze. Fact.
Sneezing (more often referred to as sternutation), verb. Definition: When one gobs all over the place. 

What in the name of cripes is sneezing all about? Most people have a pretty distinctive sneeze. You can determine the people you know by the way they sneeze: whether they cover their mouth, the evil ones who don’t, how loud they are, and whether stuff comes flying out of their face when they do it.

“Achoo!” tends to be the accepted method for typing what a sneeze noise is (onomatopoeia at work), but we disagree. It’s more a sort of, “HUSSSSCHUUURGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, replete with drooling, dribbling, and an expression of general dismay. How does the world react to these unusual moments, then?

Polite Sneeze Responses

We did some bloody good research, sir, to find out! We came up with a list of arbitrary examples from countries around the world. The results are pretty terrifying, so perhaps consider adding the phrases to your repertoire. It’ll liven up those sneezing occasions, such as when you inhale a bag of ground black pepper. Achoo, indeed!

Japan

Germ

お大事に – Take care of yourself.

Albania

Sneezing

 Shëndet  – Health!

Armenia

Sneeze

 առողջություն (aroghjootyoon) – Health!

Germany

Germ

 Gesundheit! (or Gazuntite) – Health!

England (we’re experts on this one!)

Sneezing

Sneezing in England’s a bit different than the rest of the world due to the nationalistic habit of panicking insanely. Thusly there’s usually some sort of national emergency whenever someone like The Queen gets a sniffle. Yes, we really are pathtic winkers. The following are common phrases here:

Would you like me to call you an ambulance? (asked in a refined, highly patronising accent)

or

PANIC! RUN! HE/SHE HAS THE PLAGUE!

or

Strap him/her to the floor, get the hazmat suits out, and call a state of emergency!!

Hungary

Sneeze

Egészségedre! – To your health!

Finland

Germ

Terveydeksi – For health!

France

Sneezing

à tes / vos souhaits – To your wishes!

Ireland

Sneeze

Dia linn – God be with us

Italy

Germ

Salute! – Health!

Poland

Sneezing

Sto lat! – Live a hundred years!

Conclusion: Sneezing on Languages

Woof.
Woof.

Sneezing on one’s language is not only liable to spread illness and disease, but also to denigrate other languages and cultures by getting stuff everywhere. Despite the disgusting nature of sneezing, it’s clear the nations of the world view The Sneeze as an opportunity to remind individuals they’re not going to die: “Health!” etc.

What surprised us (but should not have) is many responses have some sort of religious undertone. Now we’re not religious here at Professional Moron, so to us it seems a bit weird to praise a deity after you get snot everywhere. We prefer the ones promoting “Health!” after a hearty sneeze, and we particularly like “Gesundheit!” from (exonym ahoy!)  Deutschland and “Sto lat!” from Poland. Aces!

Being British, however, we’ll stick to the good old fashioned option of calling the ambulance, and booking the week off work. ’tis the British way, sah. Stiff upper lip!

2 comments

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s