Exclusive New Veg: Celerberate!

Anger
Are you angry?! Good! Get ready to berate stuff!

As we’ve discussed on this blog before, we don’t have anything against celery… but it is the most boring vegetable on Earth. Indeed, it’s so boring you could set it on fire and have Elvis and Buddy Rich dance over it as it burns, and this scene would still be exceptionally dreary.

Dreary is as dreary does, of course, and the humble celery stick trundles thing life appalling food fans with its blandness. This makes people angry. Now, most people are angry about stuff anyway. Things people get angry about are: Windows 8, queuing, people who eat with their mouths open, politicians, and blunt pencils.

A lot of anger is directed at celery and, whilst we can understand people’s frustration, we believe this fury would be better directed at stuff like sandwiches with white bread, bus drivers who donut have any change, and doors which don’t have push OR pull emblazoned on them so you think you have to try a new type of door opening technique and end up shattering your elbows.

What Professional Moron has done is create something where one kind of celebrates the celery, whilst deriding it in a thoroughly obnoxious and irate manner. Thusly, we have Celerberate, which is a way to consume celery and simultaneously shout whatever foul, depraved beration you have in the direction of this most reviled vegetable product. Seems like a fair deal, right?

As the name implies, we’re urging you to celebrate celery a bit more, whilst getting bloody furious about it all at the same thyme! And why not? What more could you ask for than to eat celery and fume and scream and hate on everything as you do? Plus, we’ve smeared our celery sticks with a mighty tasty mish-mash of chocolate and Old Spice to give off a gloriously pungent tasty thingy.

Awesome or what? Yes, awesome!

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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