Jerry Maguire: “You had me at hello” Quote Off Extravaganza!

Jerry Maguire
Show him the money.

Tom Cruise vehicle Jerry Maguire were a big hit back in 1996. Wow. 1996. That were almost 20 years ago! Renée Zellweger (who played Dorothy Boyd) starred alongside the Cruise Meister and the “You had me at hello” quote has become one of the All Time great vomit inducing romantic film moments. It’s not as nauseating as “Is it still raining?” from Four Weddings and a Funnel, but the films are consistent with each other: they’re actually damn good viewing, but they sport absurd conclusions to romantic endeavours.

Like with any film, alternate shoots were made for this key moment. It’s gone into legend how Zellweger and Cruise stayed up 5 days straight, buzzing on creative energy and tabs of LSD, whilst honing the script down to the perfect delivery. Here are some of the rejections. You like rejections? How’d you like them apples? Well, here are a big batch of them!

You’d of have had me at hello.

You had me at hello

Tongue tied Renée (in no way related to The Stone Roses’ drummer Reni) slips up over her words and ruins the film’s ending! Curse your bad acting!

You had me at Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

Hello, is it my you're looking for

Lionel Richie has a cameo in this effort. He appears after Zellweger dumps the line on the screen (in reality, this hit single has a video where a blind woman sculpts Riche’s head out of clay. Weird? Yep).

You had me at yellow fever.

You had me at hello

Yellow Fever has everyone at hello, goodbye, and “Oh holy sweet zombie Jesus, I have yellow fever!” Incidentally, go to hosptial if you have this.

u had mii @ y’oreet are kid?Tom Cruise

Mancunian slang is one of the most attractive and romantic languages in the world. You can study it at Oxford University to enter a world of refinery and class.

You had me at Hello I’m Tom Cruise, the world famous multi-millionaire actor.

You had me at hello

Some girls just want to live with a rich person.

You had me at ‘sup, bro?

Tom Cruise

Going gangsta is a surefire way to make romance happen.

You had me after you bought me a gateau.

You had me at hello

Thoughtful Tom Cruise knows how to woo the ladies – with a fantastic gateau with all the trimmings! Zellweger needed to thump the pounds on for the Bridget Jones role, you see, so Cruise’s consideration was duly noted.

You had me after you let yourself go.

Tom Cruise

Some women love curves, so in this version of the film Cruise gained 10 stone to fulfill Renee Zellweger’s desires.

You had me when you trod on my big toe.

You had me at hello

Nothing quite like a bit of physical agony to get romance budding.

You had me at your tales of woe.

Tom Cruise

Some women love a good sob story, and none are more sorrow filled than Cruise’s tale: the good looking actor turning superstar millionaire. It has us in floods of tears every thyme, dammit!

You had me after you gave me a tow.

You had me at hello

Rumour has it Zellweger broke down on her way to the set after running over an Old Aged Pensioner. Cruise naturally gave her a lift, prompting this (soon dismissed) take on the line.

You had me after you punched Marilyn Monroe.

Tom Cruise

This alternate quote was dropped after it transpired Cruise had never punched the aforementioned actress.

You had me after you took me to that Minstrel Show.

You had me at hello

The surprise ending to this film was Maguire and Boyd are total racists! It didn’t catch on.

You had me after I saw your nuclear glow.

You had me at hello

Some say Cruise’s star power is so strong he has a real nuclear sheen to him. Zellweger sure does agree.

You had me at your rendition of Let It Go.

Tom Cruise

Goddamn that song from Disney’s smash hit Frozen. Curse it to Hell! The only thing more horrendous than that song would have been an ending with a Tom Cruise rendition.

You had me after you emerged from that UFO.

You had me at hello

Is Jerry Maguire from a different planet? In this version of the film he sure is!

You had me after I drank that entire bottle of Merlot.

Tom Cruise

Silly old Dorothy gets wasted in this ending and tumbles into Jerry Maguire’s sober arms. There’s nothing quite like a romantic piss up!


Dispense with some gibberish!

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