Most of you reading this blog will wash your brain baskets daily with pleasant smelling substances, one of which is known as shampoo. Some of you may stretch to conditioner, too. If you use neither and, indeed, never bathe at all, get the hell off our site now, dammit!
We’re always ones to push the boundaries of social acceptability here at Professional Moorn. Deodorant Sandwiches, Cigarette Soup, Spaghetti Bolognese Toast – you name it, we’ve invented it and appalled a generation. Thusly we arrive at our new formula which will stun the shampoo community – ants!
Shampoo and Conditioner just donut cut it these days. Indeed, we all know ants are mighty ikkle wikkle workers who blindly serve their Queen. Thanks to Professional Moron, your skull will be a horde of ant workers’ new Queen! Indeed, Ant-Dandruff Shampoo Ant Conditioner is a new type of shampoo in that it’s infested with an army of bullet ants.
As you shower you pour the ants onto your head and they get to work, revitalising your tired old hair by executing split ends, eradicating damaged roots, and massaging your scalp into a bloody pulp.
Now some of you may note the bullet ant bite has been regarded as the most agonising pain recorded by human beings. This doesn’t overly concern us as we won’t be using the shampoo (we decline to comment why), but we’re sure the ants will refrain from savaging your brains once released form their container.
The nourishing mix of sham, poo, conditioner, and the bullet ant horde (all enriched with oil of ole, rabbit droppings, and nose droppings from the Queen of England) make Ant-Dandruff Shampoo Ant Conditioner the most relaxing, yet terrifying, experience known to the shampoo community!
Buy our shampoo today and pander to your heart’s desire. Your hair will become more shiny and maneagable, and you’ll raise public awareness about the bullet ant community. They’re not the mindless bunch of bitey lunatics they look like (as you can see from our friendly brand logo above!), even if the bite does reduce you to a high pitched shrieking imbecile. Indeed.