A Brief History of the Ironing Board

The Ironing Board
The ironing board and an iron. Riveting!

Ironing is one of those mundane tasks which makes you question why on Earth you bother wearing clothes anyway. It’s a chore, and all chores are a chore. If you want to look aesthetically pleasing, however, you’d better get to it and iron those clothes of yours. And if you don’t? Well, society will look down upon your creased shirt and laugh at you, fool!

Ironing raises such judicious questions such as: “Should I iron my socks?” and “Should I iron my eyebrows?” The answer to the latter is “probably not”, whilst with the former we would heartily recommend it. Ironed socks are a delight to behold, and going the extra pedantic mile will make you a better person. Not that we, at Professional Moron, ever do any ironing, but that’s the benefit of working in an office with a smart but casual dress code.

A History of the Ironing Board

Of course, you can’t verily iron stuff without something suitable. Ironing in your bathtub, during a bath, would be a bit dangerous. Similarly, if you took to the central lane of a motorway to perform your ironing, well, by jove you’d have a horde of angry motorists clattering off you. The key to ironing if to own an ironing board, and this is where inventing came in handy.

The ironing table was patented in 1858 by and Mr. and Mr. W. Vandenburg and J. Harvey. As the table was gargantuan in size and could have seated King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table, in 1892 Sarah Boone had had enough and went ahead and introduced the ironing board, in part due to being bored of wandering around the ironing table.

Ironing tables disappeared into obscurity, but the ironing board became an international sensation amongst the workers of the world. Why, nothing is more brilliant than jamming an ironing board into the ground and banishing those creases to history!

There are, of course, those nasty liberal lots. Those who seek progressivism and wish for Crease Rights to be a real thing. “Creases have rights, too!” they bleat in their PC way. Why it makes us so angry we get mighty cross about it. Creases don’t have rights! Hit the steam button on your iron and eradicate them from the history of everything.

The Future of the Ironing Board

What does the future hold for ironing in the face of all this new fangled technology? Technology such as mobile phones and combine harvesters threatens the very existence of the ironing board – will there one day be an app, or a robot slave, to perform the ironing for you? Will the ironing board become obsolete?

We feel it could certainly do with sprucing up a bit. Why doesn’t Apple invent an iRoning Board, or something? This thing would be amazing! It would right itself, it would warn you in dulcet tones if you’ve accidentally placed the scalding hot iron on your forearm, and it’d emit a high pitched shrieking noise and implode violently in the event of some hoodlums having off with the thing.

Until that great day, though, you’ll have to stare at your ironing board and wonder when it’ll be able to converse with you as you go about your chores. That’s the ultimate human goal, surely: to have an in depth discussion about your washing with an ironing board which is more intelligent than you are. The singularity has happened!

2 comments

  1. I’m totally with you on the ironing of socks! My mother spent hours teaching me the ins & outs of this futile endeavor. She also taught me how to iron hankies, wash cloths & baby diapers. Yes, all of this was done on the ironing bored, and I now own one of my very own.

    Liked by 1 person

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