Introducing Our New Office Pet: Steve the Hamster!

Steve the hamster!
Steve has realised he has the power to demand food from us. We are his slaves.

Unfortunately, our beloved hamster Keith joined Hamster Heaven earlier this month. After three days of official mourning at the Professional Moron premises, we decided to remember Keith fondly for the life he lived. As a result, we’ve installed a permanent 10ft shrine to him in one corner. Please note: blasphemers will not be tolerated!

We’ve decided to bring in a new generation of hamster. At a slight three months old, Steve the hamster can’t relate to Keith’s era (back when the latest Star Wars film was in the process of filming), but he does possess the attributes of a hamster who knows what his destiny is: to be around during the filming of the second Star Wars film. To infinity, and beyond!

Steve the Hamster

Steve the Hamster
Welcoming Steve the hamster to the office!

We can refer you all to our Pet Hamsters Guide for how to look after one of these blighters. From this you’ll understand Steve is still in his timid stage and hasn’t fully flourished into the all conquering little diva he will eventually become.

Keith, we can rightly claim, achieved greatness as a hamster. Steve is already showing signs he has the natural ability to follow in his footsteps. Or whatever hamsters have… paws, we guess. We thought claws, but there isn’t much claw like on a hamster. Except the teeth, but you rarely see those things anyway.

Curious Steve
Steve wonders if he can successfully make off with our wallet.

Steve is a Syrian hamster and he is of the colour black, although his fur is also borderline brown. What do you think? We think black, but he looks like a tiny little black bear at any rate. However, he doesn’t growl, steal honey, decapitate humans when provoked, or scale trees with wild abandon. This has confirmed he is, indeed, a hamster.

He has yet to fully understand his role as a hamster. The species is crepuscular (sleeping through the day, essentially), but Steve’s currently ignoring this in favour of staying up all day and sleeping at night. All the same, he’s taken to his hamster wheel with thunderous relish and we look forward to him leaving his mark on the world.

Keith Tribute

Keith the HamsterOf course all of this Steve stuff isn’t here to diminish Keith’s contributions to hamsterkind. He was an awesome little critter, with more verve, vivacity, and vitality than a firework which has been set off and then doused in petrol and set back on fire. All hail, Keith!


    • A hamster wardrobe would be cool. I’m thinking… hats. Lots of hats! The trouble is, they rarely stay still long enough to fix clothing items to them. Anyway, I’ve owned Steve for a week now and his charisma is totally blooming. What a dude he is.


Dispense with some gibberish!

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