Exclusive Invention: The Friendly Psychopath Robot You Must Own!

Robot Invention
Please note, the toothbrush is of poor quality and may cause agonising gum lacerations.

Isn’t it unfortunate you can’t accommodate a psychopath within your home, merely due to the danger inherent in accommodating a psychopath? Imagine a world where you could program a psychopath to be psychotic to everybody… except you and your family! It’s all reality thanks to the heartless lunacy of the Psycho-Path X2, which will be marauding its way into your lives this year!

The X2 is the all-seeing, all-knowing, all-conquering, crazed SOB which will be unleashed on society in Q1 2016! For only £1,000 ($2,000), you can have a fully programmable psychotic robot in your household.

The X2 has been designed with a myriad of features to ensure your home will be safe from intruders such as rampaging Communists, diseased zombies, and petulant youths. It’ll even keep you safe in the event of bouts of errant bubonic plague, thanks to its uncompromisingly violent attitude to bacteria.

The Psycho-Path X2

Due to the miracle of modern AI, the Psycho-Path X2 is able to interact with your family and comprehend they are good, decent, honourable, sound, and pleasant individuals who are not an immediate threat to the survival of humanity.

With this information cached in its 1TB of memory, the robot will parade around your home armed with fearsome artillery such as bazookas and samurai swords, on perpetual watch for the impending chaos sure to be wrecked upon your home by the outside world.

Rest assured, whilst the X2 will have some semblance of a thunderously crazed monstrosity, it will interact with you and your family like an old friend. Whilst simultaneously scanning for hoodlums to massacre, it’ll drop witty aphorisms and jovial innuendo into your daily routine (such as chortling “Oo-er, missus!” whilst throttling what it has perceived to be a burglar).

Furthermore, our robot has been designed to perform mundane tasks without complaint, such as putting the toilet seat down once the men in the house forget to honour this tacit agreement.* Those naughty vagabonds!

But Our Home is Perfectly Safe Thanks to Fido!

Fido doesn’t come equipped with heat seeking missiles, fool! Why take chances? With inbuilt Destruction Mode you can have out-of-control strangers such as postmen, bin men, and do-gooding hippies gunned down before they’re within 100 metres of your front door. It’s all thanks to the Psycho-Path X2!

At 6ft and made from carbon fibre, your robot is as daunting as Darth Vader in a bikini. No hoodlums will dear approach the X2 once they’ve heard its war cry (the equivalent of a thousand donkeys braying simultaneously), or witnessed its astonishing array of weaponry (including a Swiss army knife), or glanced at its Herculean feats of strength (it can lift a tank without even wincing)!

Book today to defend yourself from the rest of humanity! The Psycho-Path X2 only requires 100 hours of charging per week, and has a battery lifespan of two hours a day (in low power mode). Pre-order from Professional Moron today to receive your X2 with a complementary toothbrush – you’ll need one, what with all the carefree inane grinning you’ll be doing with the X2 around!

*You can also program the Psycho-Path X2 to punish the men of your household for this discretion, such as by thrashing them mercilessly with a belt until they learn.

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